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Mar 22

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Miranda: Let’s play tag

Lisa from Damian Daily tagged me for a blog game that requires creating a potpourri of posts from the blog archive. Our blog hasn’t been around long enough to have a lot of material to chose from, but I wanna play anyhow. Here are the rules:

a) Go back through your archives and post the links to five of your favorite blog posts.

  1. Link one must be about family: Christa: A mixed blessing
  2. Link two must be about friends: The creative buck stops here. (Or doe, natch.)
  3. Link three must be about yourself: Miranda: Help! Something awful is happening
  4. Link four must be about something you love: Miranda: Show and tell
  5. Link five can be about anything you choose: Brittany: Of course it’s worth it

b) Then tag five other bloggers. At least two of the people you tag must be newer acquaintances in the blogosphere, so that you get to know each other better. Tag, you’re it:

  1. Christa: Freelance Mother
  2. Brittany: Re-Writing Motherhood
  3. Alana: Mummy Mania
  4. Stefanie: The Journey Begins
  5. Heather: Hobo Mama & Hobo Baby #4

Mar 20

3 Comments

Christa: Confession time

I’m going to admit to something that I haven’t wanted to admit to myself for a long time: the reason for my creative funk, all my questioning and browbeating, is at heart a temper tantrum. Why? Because I didn’t get my way.

By now, I was “supposed to” have landed an agent. I really was convinced that my writing was good enough. Even though I knew it was certainly possible that it wouldn’t happen within six months, I didn’t really think it wouldn’t. I believed at least that I would get requests for fulls and that those would tide me over.

I did get those requests, but early on, and nothing since about Thanksgiving. While I’m aware there are other options in publishing (I’m looking at small presses), I’ve still found myself wondering: what’s really in store for my career? Is this really what’s meant for my life?

I hope not. Because the thought of not being a novelist really, really depresses me.

But here’s the other thing, the other part of this confession. What I was hoping for was to be a wunderkind. I’m turning 33 in a month, and I really just wanted to be “discovered” and published before I turned 40. I wanted this because no one has ever thought much of me (at least until I met my husband). I was “nothing special” for many years. Two teachers loved my writing, but my parents didn’t love it and my peers didn’t get it. I have always wanted to “prove” myself, even though none of those people will ever be satisfied.

An author gave me some advice a few years back that I’ve kept, and now that I’m in this position, her words mean a lot more to me than they did then: “There’s been a lot of discussions of youth/writing recently. But you know what? There’s absolutely no percentage to being a wunderkind because, eventually, they’re going to take the kind away and you’re going to have to be a wunder on your own. And, at the risk of sounding very, very vain, I’m fairly confident that there’s not a 30-something on the planet who can write a wiser book than I can. Better, more beautiful? Sure. But there are things we learn as life goes on that makes writing richer with each decade. So think about the life as part of the writing, and don’t beat yourself up.”

What elicited her advice? My fear, even then, that I wouldn’t get anything done because of my kids.

In many ways I’m in a better position now than I was then. I have a number of short story credits in good, reputable markets; I’m helping to edit a magazine. So I can’t say I’m still stuck in a rut, and that’s good. Meanwhile, like I wrote to Bethany, fiction is an intrinsic part of my sense of balance. For my own sake and that of my family, I need to continue to pursue it. Even if it’s only a few sentences a day. And that “wunderkind” thing? Well, maybe that’s my personal bar that needs to be lowered.

Mar 19

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Bethany: Hi. I’m Bethany. I’m lowering the bar.

It’s my new mantra. Let’s hold hands, take deep breaths, and recite after me:

“I, [insert name here], am going to not push myself to the point of exhaustion.  I, [insert name here], am going to let others help me. I, [insert name here], am going to let the chips fall where they may AND stay focused on the long term goals.”

Really, it’s been a rough few weeks here.  If it wasn’t a sickness thing, it was work.  And if wasn’t work it was a family thing. Or an errand to run.  Or a work call to take. Seriously–does it ever end?

The short answer is no.   Life will keep throwing stuff over the fence at you all the time. It’s up to you whether to take it as it comes and go with the flow.  Or the alternative.  Which is stressing out and causing everyone around you to feel the pressure.

Naturally, I’m a perfectionist. I’m a Type-A (just like Miranda).  I want to do it all. Hell, I try to do it all. But these past few weeks, the plain truth is in front of me.  It. Is. Impossible.  Honestly. Take a look at yourself.  All that you want to do.  And that all that you can really get done?  Does it match? If you’re like me, you ask too much of yourself.

So this week–and hopefully more long term–I’m trying to be more honest with myself.  Take inventory. Look around. And see what is realistic.  And more HEALTHY in expectations. Can I not write this week?  Bummer.  But guess what?  I got to spend quality time with my family and friends without the guilt.

And I’d like to think a little less that the bar is lowering. It’s more about putting the bar at the level where it should be, and balancing on it the “right” way.  Anyone else care to join me?

Mar 17

5 Comments

Miranda: Getting your ducks in a row (rubber and otherwise)

rubber_duckyAs I slowly emerge from nearly two weeks of illness (it’s been months, if I include the rest of the family) and my ear infection finally lifts, I’m looking cautiously at the week ahead, and trying to manage my expectations. I realize that in order to maximize my opportunities–even simply my opportunities to do nothing–I need to get the family to cooperate as much as possible.

My kids and husband are troopers about “self-serve” dinner nights–they’ll eat leftovers or something in the freezer from Trader Joe’s. It’s been quite a while since I’ve regularly prepared good, homemade dinners at least five nights a week–and I feel guilty about it, but at the moment, food prep is one area that I’ve chosen to sacrifice. (What I don’t like about self-serve, however, is that we tend not to sit down together for a family meal unless I’ve actually prepared one–and that used to be every night without fail. But that’s another story.)

I wonder if there are strategies that any of you have used to “make” more time for yourself during the day/week? Shortcuts? Things like trying to set yourself up for success when working at home with younger children: play with them, connect with them, make sure they are well fed, watered, and changed, and THEN set them up with something that encourages independent play–before turning to your own work? Maybe you’ve discovered that turning the dining table into a fort, using a few old blankets, will keep the kids entertained for the better part of an hour while you type at the counter? Maybe your spouse, if you have one, feels less neglected if you talk for 30 minutes after the kids go to bed, before you settle down for a work/creativity stint? Or maybe you’re really efficient with time spent waiting at dance classes and basketball classes?

One routine I’ve enjoyed recently is reading while my three-year-old takes a bath. My husband drags a comfy chair into the bathroom for me every night, and I sit beside the tub and read, an arm’s length away, while my son goes to town with his bath toys. Sure, sometimes he wants my attention, and that’s fine–I put my book down when he wants to talk or needs me to wind up the frog family–but most of the time he’s absorbed in imaginary play for a long time (up to an hour!) and I get a lot of reading done that way. It ends up feeling like a treat.

Since I have older children too, I’m pretty good about establishing chores for each kid, and making sure they follow through. I rarely clean up after dinner, for example, unless I’ve gone all out and the kitchen is a total disaster. My feeling is: I made dinner, they can clean up afterward. And if I didn’t cook, well then, it’s just a matter of everyone cleaning up after themselves. They also have weekly chores to take care of. While I think these responsibilities are important for each child’s self-esteem, now that the kids are older their help really makes a difference–it’s not just busywork.

Does anyone have any other ways to squeeze more minutes from the day?

Mar 10

9 Comments

Miranda: Admitting defeat–temporarily?

In January, I blogged on the push-pull conflict of deciding when to push hard, and when to be “realistic.” Being a type-A, superwoman wannabe, I generally believe that pushing myself hard is my best path to success. no wayBut now, for the moment, I may have to admit that life is handing me such a large plateful that I might not be able to meet my weekly objectives, regardless of how hard I push. (And in fact, pushing myself may be the last thing I need right now.)

I’ve been trying to pare down and organize my workload in anticipation of maternity leave, with the hope of finding a bit more breathing room. But I’ve been totally distracted: My family has been hit unusually hard by the sore throat/wracking cough/fever virus, which seems to hang on forever. I got it myself last Wednesday evening, and I’m still in the trenches. On top of all that, some mysterious health issues resulted in spending the better part of two days last week at the ER, having all kinds of tests that a pregnant woman would like to avoid. Bottom line is I’m pretty healthy, aside from this nasty virus, but I need to reduce my workload and focus on staying healthy. A lot easier said than done. How do you do less when you’re used to doing (nearly) everything? And how do you do less when your house is on the market and you have to stage the house for showings? How do you do less when you already have four kids and are about to have another? How do you do less when you really wanted to finish your book before the baby comes, but you’re only on page 160? How do you do less when you’re terrified of not doing what you set out to do?

I realize that at a certain point, doing less is something that arrives, not something you opt for. I’ve been trying to finish chapter three for nearly a month–and making snail-like progress at best. So in that sense, I am already doing less. But that doesn’t feel so great when it’s not a conscious choice.

What should I opt for now? Keep on trying, with the mindset of taking advantage of any small opportunity that comes my way? Or give up on my weekly goals and the objective of having a nearly complete draft before the end of April–and instead, focus on my health and well-being, as well as my family’s? Or just give in temporarily, and see where things are at in a few weeks–even though this may add to the pressure?

What would you do?

Mar 6

4 Comments

Brittany: Of course it’s worth it

I strongly believe that being a writer is a strange cosmic gift that most people have no control over. The vast majority of people have no desire whatsoever to sit down and commune with a keyboard for hours on end in the pursuit of what will usually amount to minimal success. The cold hard truth is that most of us writers will never be rich or famous. We know it. The world knows it. But we do it anyway, because we can and we want to. We throw our writing out into the world and cross our fingers.

Back in the sixties, a couple of song writers wrote a song for Elvis called “A Little Less Conversation”. No doubt they were under a deadline. No doubt they worried about the feedback they were going to get on it. The probably spent several sleepless nights getting the song just right. And then they turned it over to the movie execs and it was out of their hands. It was written. It was on a record. They had to wait and see what would happen next.

The song was not exactly a smash hit. It went absolutely nowhere except the B-side graveyard.

No doubt Mac Davis and Billy Strange wondered if it was worth it, why they bothered, and all those other existentialist questions we writers ask ourselves in moments of frustration.

And then, in 2001, “A Little Less Conversation” made its way onto the “3000 Miles to Graceland” soundtrack. Since then, it’s been everywhere. In the clubs. On tv. It was even Howard Dean’s 2004 campaign song. You think Davis and Strange expected that? I seriously doubt it.

And who knows why it wasn’t successful in 1968? Maybe the lyrics were too provocative? Maybe the rhythm didn’t play well for contemporary listeners? Maybe it didn’t sound enough like “Hey Jude” – the number one song that year. Who knows why the universe is so fickle?

The point is that it took thirty-three years for the song to be a hit. But it was out there when audiences were ready for it. And it was out there because despite all the angst and grief associated with writing it, it got written anyway.

It’s a really catchy song, and one that got stuck in my head the last few days I was finishing up my novel. I found this story on Wikipedia while I was looking up the lyrics. Look up the lyrics sometime and tell me if those aren’t the very things you’d tell your muse if you could. In any case, the song inspired me to just keep plugging away. We never know what will happen to our words, but our words are timeless. They may not work today, but they might work tomorrow. And deep down I think we all realize this. This is why we keep working at it.

Mar 5

6 Comments

Jenn: I wish I could answer that, Christa

I am feeling a similar funk. I’ve submitted 5 chapters to my editor today, and now I’m tired. I don’t think it’s worth it, but what do you do when you’re too far into it to stop, as you and I are? With partially complete or in your case, fully complete pieces of work?

This is my Spring Break. I should be on vacation. I should have taken my daughter to Iceland. To somewhere, ANYWHERE. Instead, she’s in daycare as usual (rationalization: it’s good to keep her on her schedule), and I’ve spent half of my break sitting at my kitchen table, expending about 100 calories per day, no exercise, horrible eating habits, ignoring everything, and writing. Mabe it’s too much of a good thing? This is what I planned to do for Spring Break, so why do I feel like a loser, misfit, failure of a mom?

I think it will help when the editor gives me some feedback, which she hasn’t yet. I keep e-mailing chapters in and waiting. I have four more nearly done, and two more I’d LIKE to get finished by the time Friday rolls around, and one I’d like to look over and research because it’s my lecture for Tuesday, and getting that in great shape beforehand will make my life easier afterwards. But I am PROMISING myself to spend the weekend with my daughter, doing NOTHING and everything, and relaxing for at least two out of ten days.

I suppose I should also realize that this is a finite project. If I reach my goal and turn in 11 chapters, that means only 9 more to go by the time summer rolls around. And SO WHAT if I lag behind. My editor wanted the book written within a year (staring in February), so why do I have myself on this kill-yourself schedule? Probably because I’m deathly afraid I’ll run out of steam and walk away.

Which wouldn’t be a bad idea. How many books on natural disasters does the world need? There are four perfectly good texts out there. Why am I doing this? Are we having fun yet?

Mar 4

4 Comments

Christa: Is it worth it?

I started this as a comment, but then decided it was getting to be too lengthy and would be better off as an entry…

I’m feeling really bummed out about my fiction career right now. It seems like everyone and their brother is getting a book deal except me. I feel like the biggest loser. Even though I know the reality is harsh, and likely to get harsher with the economy the way it is (i.e. less likelihood of folks taking a risk on a new writer), it’s like this: finally having accepted that you will never be part of the “in crowd,” and that’s OK because they’re boring, you set your sights on the A/V Club instead. Except that even the A/V geeks won’t let you in, because you bring nothing–no new talent, no new insight–to them. How freaking depressing is that??

Part of the problem is the novel I’m shopping. It’s my first. I mean my first-first. It’s gone through many iterations and it’s finally at the point where I think it’s reasonably publishable. Was it a practice novel? Yes, oh yes. Should it be published? I don’t know anymore. Other writers tell me that I’m likely to find an agent who will believe in it and take it (even if it needs revisions) and try to sell it, but I have something like 80-90 rejections. Small potatoes? I don’t know. I do know that by now, I could try to sell better. If I did that, my other option with this first novel is to sell it to a zine that is taking novels that won’t get published, but that the author would like to see the light of day. (That really is in her guidelines!) I’m not sure if my novel fits that description. And I’m not sure I should have spent so much time and money already only to can it and move on to the next project (actually a sequel, but could work as a standalone).

I think it doesn’t help that I’ve completely lost momentum on the novella, and I haven’t written any short stories that are in any shape to send out to zines. I just don’t feel like anyone cares whether I write fiction. Probably no one does. So then why do it? Because I care? Why should I care? I have better things I could do with my time. Like learn how to play with my kids.

Oh well. I’m whining. But anyone else ever faced this?

Mar 3

5 Comments

Miranda: Show and tell

Light Through the LeavesSome weeks ago, when I mentioned that I dabble in painting as a foil to writing, Bethany (too kind) asked to see some of my work. I’ve posted a few pieces at my Flickr site, just for fun.

It’s easy for me to share my painting, because I am a total amateur and have very little invested in the outcome. It’s much harder for me to share my writing, although over the years I have come to understand that feedback is an essential part of bringing a peice of writing to its fullest potential–at least for me. Sometimes the picture in my head hasn’t made it onto the written page, and it takes a fresh pair of eyes and a new perspective to show me where those rough spots are, and/or if the whole thing just falls flat. (And while exposing the creative self feels horribly vulnerable, it gets easier the more that I do it.)

All this makes me wonder: what processes do you all have for soliciting feedback on your work? Do you have a trusted group that you like to share with? Share things only with your spouse? Do you like to send things out for review in the early stages, or wait until a piece is fully polished? Would it ever be of value to have a way to post content for responses on this blog, specifying the type of feedback you’re looking for?

I hope everyone has a good week, though the politicos among us may well be distracted by watching/reading/listening to the primary news!

Mar 1

2 Comments

Bethany: Plowing Ahead

Look at that! I just came in here, commented up a storm and am now writing a post. Hmm.  It’s very reminiscent of how my writing has been going lately.

Seriously, looking back at my other post, I was caught between story ideas.  Deliberating between the two, taking a mental scorecard and choosing the “best path” for success.  And somewhere between that post (on a Wednesday) and that following Sunday, I hauled ass.  Big time.  Wrote three chapters in one book and a synopsis of the other (yeah, I write from the 5000 foot view and then into the details).  By some holy miracle, it worked!  A whole 4 days later I had reached my goal.

I’m not going to expect the same output this week.  I’ve learned that I write in fits and spurts.  And when I’m in a writing flurry, if I make those same expectations week after week, I’ll only disappoint myself.  I’m completely inconsistent.  Which… well, isn’t so good.  At least if I am not honest with myself.

Which brings me to my point–this writing fit.  Well, it ROCKS.  And I can’t waste another second on this blog post (sorry!).  I’ve got to ride the wave and write as long as it lasts.  Right now, it’s through another chapter.  Maybe by Sunday (2 days away), I’ll have the goal (through the next 3 chapters).  Maybe not. Either way, writing… any writing is a good thing.  Happy Creativity All and keep plowing ahead!

Feb 28

5 Comments

Friday Writers’ Date: Celebrate Leap Year

keyboardCalling everyone, in any location, who is not inexorably committed elsewhere on Friday, February 29 from 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.! Betsy and Miranda will be meeting in person for a no-holds-barred writing stint. Join us, from wherever you are, for a virtual creative session. No e-mail or internet or chat breaks except for five minutes at the top of each hour. Even if you can only fit in 30 minutes–join us anyway. Post and let us know how it goes. 🙂

Feb 28

5 Comments

Christa: Because I am a masochist

Thanks to flu, I’m not doing much writing this week. Working, because I still have deadlines but even more limited time because I am in bed by 8pm most nights, but not on fiction. So what did I do the other day? Of course – I sent out queries for my novel. Who wouldn’t, when snow and sickness and low energy has them so demoralized that they can’t possibly care about another round of rejections? Really, it’s the perfect time to query, don’t you think?

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