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ISO: Your Thoughts for My New Book

I need your help! I’m writing a new book for St. Martin’s Press — and your response here could end up in my book as an attributed quote! What I need to know is: What does the term “self-care” mean to you? Does it make you uncomfortable? Break out in hives? Does it make you think of pedicures and bubble baths? Eating well, hydration, exercise? Does it evoke learning how to create boundaries and learn to say “no”?

Whatever self-care means to you, and however you make the proverbial oxygen mask an intentional part of your life — or not — I want to hear your perspective. Please share this post with anyone who might like to comment on the topic (I’d like to hear from men, too) and thanks in advance for your support!

Question mark heap on table concept for confusion, question or solution


11 Comments Post a comment
  1. aloha Miranda. sometimes i think men try to help/care for others even before they care for themselves. okay, not all men, just some men. i find it easy to care for others. that doesn’t mean i’m good at it, it just means i go and try. “self-care” means to me that i should be, every day, trying to take care of myself with as much determination and attention as i’d care for someone else. aloha r.

    September 8, 2017
    • Thank you, Rick! Can you elaborate on what “trying to take care of myself” means? I’d love to hear more.

      September 8, 2017
      • there are different aspects to “care”. mental, spiritual, emotional care is one thing. economical, social and cultural might be another thing. it’s seeing someone in need that catches me. i want to help. can i help is another thing. self-care encompasses all of this. and more most likely. as i’m just writing off the top of my head. personally as my body ages i notice it can not do what it once did. however if i work at it, i slow that process down. meditation helps in so many ways i dare not begin to list these side benefits. and then there are the things that become painful. both emotionally and physically that i tend to endure until i become desperate enough to seek help. i suspect men find it difficult to seek help. maybe self-care, is simply doing what i can do to help myself feel and function better. yet it’s in knowing when to seek help that i might best improve.

        does that help? i’m not sure i’ve elaborated adequately. yet, you see, you asked for help. and what did i do? i jumped in. maybe i should now turn the mirror to my own writing. altho i see this as part of my broader definition of art, i dont seek help often. i do have fun writing (and creating). for me i learned a long time ago that if i go for a few days without creating (drawing, painting, writing etc.) i dont feel good. creating (and meditation) are probably my most valued forms of self-care. altho i now see a doctor regularly (i didnt for years), and i go to my dentist more regularly too, rather than just when there was pain (that was seldom—because i do try to take reasonable care of my body. . . .okay i dont always take reasonable care, i am human after all). it’s been 6 years since i’ve seen my eye doctor. and i know my eyes have changed. it’s just that it took enough change to where my sight is interfering with what i want to watch closely—a butterfly until i can no longer see it. or the way an ant cares a crumb. or the outer edges of a new moon a day after it’s new.

        ha. now i’m just rambling. sometimes i discover what is important to me by rambling. so please realize “rambling” is another way i self-care. i just don’t always have a listener who asks me to elaborate.

        i hope i’m not going too far. i hope what i’ve said helps. regardless of an entry in your book. the goal with helping others is to help them however. in this case that means your book. i suspect too. . . .that in helping (or trying to help) others, i actually also help myself. i think in someways all we do is a benefit to our own well being. or an attempt at it. so like the flight attendants say: “when the oxygen masks drop, put your own mask on first before trying to help others.” which makes all kinds of excellent sense if we stop to reason why.

        thank you for the opportunity to at least explore my own thinking on this subject. that’s a help to me. so yay, if this helps you, it works both ways.

        be well. rest and walk in beauty. and have fun. aloha. rick.

        (ps. this was not reread for typos and to see if i actually said what i thought i was saying. so i suspect there may be a good number of each. it feels good to spin my words regardless. so thank you.) aloha r.

        September 8, 2017
    • Rick, might I have permission to quote you in my draft? If you’re game, please e-mail your name (if it is anything other than Rick Daddario), age, occupation, and city/town/state: Thanks again for being so responsive!

      September 21, 2017
  2. Adele Quinnell #

    Hi Miranda.
    I see self care as looking after my mind, body and spirit. It’s about fuelling my inner core to help me be me. I have three young children whom I love dearly but leave me feeling exhausted, trampled on and bereft of my true self. Self care is something I struggle with on a daily basis. There never seems to be any time to do anything to help rejuvenate myself. In time I hope that self care will mean me fulfilling my dreams of setting up my own business and running a 10k but right now it’s more about trying to get enough sleep to keep me sain, find a spare minute to paint my toenails and making sure I talk to someone everyday so I can keep the inner me from downing!
    I hope that helps. Good luck writing your book.

    September 11, 2017
    • I much appreciate your perspective, Adele — thank you!

      September 12, 2017
    • Adele, could I have permission to quote you in my draft? If you’re game, please e-mail your name (if it is anything other than Adele Quinnell), age, occupation, and city/town/state to: Thank you!!

      September 21, 2017
      • Adele Quinnell #

        Hi Miranda. Yes no problem.

        Adele Quinnell
        Occupational Therapist
        Crowhurst, East Sussex, UK

        I would love to read your book when its out.

        Kind regards


        October 1, 2017
  3. I find the words make me feel uncomfortable, selfish even. As if the thought means I am putting myself ahead of others. Maybe it is a mom thing, generational, or a female mindset, but I find it hard to practice self care. Having been a caregiver for the last 2 years it has made that idea even harder to take seriously. What I try to do is get outside and move, eat well (as eating is a necessity vs a splurge), and make art when I can. But as far as a spa day, or pedicure date, it’s just not something i feel comfortable doing.

    September 11, 2017
    • I totally get where you’re coming from, rkb. Thank you, thank you.

      September 12, 2017
    • rkb, could I have permission to quote you in my draft? Your words will resonate with many. If you’re game, please e-mail your name, age, occupation, and city/town/state to: Thank you!

      September 21, 2017

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