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Posts tagged ‘motherhood’

May 7

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Brittany: Meeting Kelly and Other Old Friends

One of the best things about Creative Construction is that it’s begun to feel like a family. I feel like I have friends all over the world. As it happened, Kelly’s house was the halfway point between home and our cruise that left from Miami, so we decided to get together while we were in the neighborhood.

We had a wonderful time. I can’t say enough nice things about our evening. Kelly and her husband prepared us a delicious meal, and Sam fell completely and instantly in love with Kelly’s girls (who are, indeed, magical). Within minutes he was running circles with them in their backyard like they were old friends. I felt the same way about Kelly. We weren’t making small talk in her kitchen–we talked like we’d known each other for years, even though we’d never actually met in person.

That is the beauty of a community like this one, where we are all on a similar journey.

Meeting Kelly was an odd juxtaposition after spending the week with my best friend, Nicole, who I hadn’t seen since 1994. She is Australian, and lived with us as an exchange student during the 1992-1993 school year when we were both sophomores in high school. We had an immediate connection, were the kind of soul-matish friends that only happen once in any lifetime, and after a year together had to return to lives on two continents worlds apart. When I was a senior in high school, she came back to the US for a visit, and that was the last time I saw her. Until the internet became widespread, we fell hopelessly out of touch. We missed each others’ college years, weddings, pregnancies, and only reunited in cyberspace after our children were born. It was as if no time at all had passed, though, and now we e-mail almost daily.

When I found out that she and her family were planning to spend two months in the US, I couldn’t wait to see her again, in real time. We reunited on a week-long cruise this past week, and might have fallen into an easy rhythm again (our husbands even got along well), had it not been for the fact that after 13 years, we now traveled with husbands, children, and parents. It was disappointing to see each other so little, and also sad to see the ways motherhood and wifehood could impact a strong female friendship. We were both running hither and yon, managing our families, trying to get from point A to point B in the sanest way possible. I was so exhausted from looking after my family’s collective needs that the week flew by with only a dull twinge of regret that she and I hadn’t yet been able to reconnect in any meaningful way. She and her family will be here at our house from the 10th through the 25th, but I am readjusting my expectations about her visit and the actual time we’ll get to spend together. This year has been the one where motherhood has forced me to readjust all my expectations, and I’m only now beginning to grieve over what I didn’t realize I’d already lost.

Then, I returned home and checked my e-mail. I had a message from Micaela, who I haven’t seen since 1996. She and I were exchange students together in Hungary, and had many adventures together as we tried to navigate life in that crazy country. I’ve missed her and tried to track her down many times. Michaela is the only other person that witnessed that pivotal year of my  life. Whenever I feel nostalgic for Hungary, it’s her I want to talk to. Several years ago, I went so far as to email her mother’s work address, asking her to help us get in touch, but got no response. I had no idea where she was or what she was doing, but hen, a few weeks ago, I found Micaela on Facebook and sent her a message. Finally, she responded.

She wrote a bit about our shared experiences and then added, Congratulations on having KIDS! I hear that changes everything…

I read that and felt a little like throwing up. After the week I’d just had, it seemed so painfully true. Everything has changed. Everything continues to change. And as motherhood molds and shapes me, I continue to change, as well. I hope my friendships will weather the changes, too.

Apr 10

6 Comments

Open House

Another week, and time to get this resting puppy back on its feet! I feel for Miranda’s need to give herself a rest. So I hope she breaks out her cup of coffee, or Mother’s Milk herbal tea and relaxes to the music that is the blogs of creative women. And that you do, too! Enjoy!

  1. Liz Hum has gone a noveling and is excited it grows bigger bones.
  2. Elizabeth Beck overhauls her studio and admits she has a problem.
  3. Jennifer Johnson’s husband has hijacked her blog to show that poetry is in the genes.
  4. Kelly Warren is back on the market.
  5. Karen Winters is grateful she only lost some paintings in a tragic accident.
  6. Mary Duquette fights against the rising tide and wins.
  7. Brittany Vandeputte continues her war with disease while keeping pace with her renovation.
  8. Bec Thomas courts creative copyright laws.
  9. Lisa Damian’s writer retreat feels indulgent, but she makes it work for her by producing.
  10. Amy Grennell is making the most of of her shortened creative hour.
  11. Kate Hopper announces her toddler haiku contest winner and shares her favorite top seven (warning: lots of poopku).
  12. Carmen Torbus dreams big, feels vulnerable when dreams start to come true.

So, enjoy a lucky 13 blogs (and one more for luck, as I tapped 2 of Liz’s) with your morning cup of preference. Maybe it’s enough to last you through the holiday weekend.

Mar 24

17 Comments

Miranda: Letting go, looking up

During the past 15 months, this blog has grown into a beautiful community. Those of you who make yourself known on these “pages” mean quite a lot to me.

As our sisterhood developed, I created a steadfast structure: at least one post every weekday; a contest post every Wednesday; a bi-weekly Friday Breakfast interview; an off-week Friday Open House roundup. I committed to that structure and I met the commitment regardless of how difficult or inconvenient. That’s just my compulsive personality. I know that daily posts and regular features are key elements in any successful blog (and I would not hesitate to call our blog “successful”). How could I settle for less? Not my style.

I love the blog, so it rarely felt like work, unless I was scrabbling to post at 1:00 a.m., or in the weeks when the only bloggers posting were Cathy and I. But I rationalized that this blog’s content is not only dear to my heart, but relevant to my book. I can test ideas, observe what resonates — it all makes sense, right? Yes. Unless I’m blogging about writing my book without ever actually having the time to write it.

During the past year, but especially during the past three months, I wrote off a lot of stress in my life to having an infant along with four older kids, selling a house, buying a house, and moving. But now my infant is 10.5 months old and the real estate dramas are over. Life is settling down. Except that this huge weight on my shoulders has not lifted. There is still more to do than I can accomplish. My interest in pretending to be Superwoman is waning. And who am I kidding? I really CAN’T do it all, and I haven’t been doing it all. Two of my kids are having belated birthday parties this month because I couldn’t manage to plan their parties closer to the actual birthday dates. I missed an important deadline for a special form pertaining to my son’s college financial aid applications. I am frequently late picking someone up or dropping them off.

I have too much on my plate — and I’m the only one to blame. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. This Sunday I experienced an unusually high level of stress as I fretted over when I would get the bills paid and the accounts balanced, when I would find time for the latest round of college financial aid forms, how I would get all the pressing client work done, how I would corral help for folding the Mount Fuji of clean laundry in the hallway, how I would train for my upcoming road race, how I would create those party invitations and get them mail, how I would take care of a few important house projects. It’s all the usual stuff for me, but I no longer seem able to coast through it all on adrenaline and a couple of prayers.

As someone pointed out to me recently, accepting that you “can’t do it all” sometimes means letting go of something that you love. It’s painful. It may sound funny, but that idea was actually novel to me. Why would I let go of something I love? Why should I? But then I thought it through and realized that I really have cut out everything that doesn’t feed me in some way. The junk has already been excised, aside from a few minutes that I spend on Facebook now and then. I used to do the Boston Globe Magazine crossword without fail every Sunday morning (one of my favorite activities) and I haven’t done a single one in nearly a year. I’m too busy taking care of all of other things — and people — clamoring for my attention.

I do want to be able to do things like create hand-made party invitations and make pretzels with the kids. I want to be able to play with the children without struggling with anxiety about all the “stuff” I have to get done. Something has to go, at least for a little while.

You know where this is going, don’t you? I have to step away from the blog. I’ll still be here to moderate the flow of blog posts, and I will post when I feel so moved and have the bandwidth, but I will no longer fret about having at least one post every day. I will no longer be able to sustain the weekly creativity contest or the Breakfast interviews. This makes me sad, because I enjoy those things and I think they’re of value to many of you — but during the more intense weeks, I spend up to 12 hours in blog-related work and that is time that I have to reclaim. I may use that time to write, make something, hang out with the kids, or do nothing. All of those options are important.

I hope that our regular bloggers will continue to post here. Remember that cross-posting is always welcome — if you post something relevant at your own blog, we’d love to see it here too. This blog will now have a more organic, free-form nature. Who knows — maybe that will be even better than the structure that I created.

I welcome all of your feedback, as well as any extra effort you feel like tossing into the ring while I take a breather. I love you guys, and I have every confidence that our connections will perservere.

Mar 13

10 Comments

Breakfast with Cristi

A couple of weeks ago, I was perusing our little Facebook group and checking out the links of members who I’m unfamiliar with, when I came across Cristi Clothier‘s 2 If By Sea Etsy shop. I immediately fixated on a spectacular bracelet entitled “Spring Flowers” (below, left). Despite the fact that I’d recently initiated a few budgetary measures, I simply HAD TO HAVE THAT BRACELET. So I ordered it. It’s fabulous. Sometimes you come across something material that speaks to you; something that brings you pleasure just sitting on your bureau. So it is with my new bracelet. I love it. Something magical and brilliant went into its creation. Meet the talented artist: Cristi Clothier — mother, jewelry designer, and blogger.

headshot-1CC: Please give us an intro to who you are, what you do, and your family headcount.
Cristi: Hi! My name is Cristi Clothier. I’m a married, 41-year-old stay-at-home mom of two boys, ages 3 1/2 and 1 year. I’ve been a graphic designer for 20 years. My husband and I decided that with our first child we would make a way for me to be a SAHM for as long as financially possible. So, here I am almost 4 years later.

CC: Tell us about your jewelry design, your Etsy shop, and other creative endeavors.
Cristi: About 12 years ago I stumbled across a bead shop here in town. I decided to go in and look around. The lady who owned the shop was so nice and helpful that I decided to try my hand at making jewelry. Well, much to my husband and bank account’s dismay, that was the beginning of my bead addiction. I’ve sold my work on a regular basis to co-workers over the years. Since becoming a SAHM that avenue for sales dwindled leaving me with no way to sell. I heard about Etsy from my aunt and I immediately signed up for an account. My sales have been minimal, but what keeps me there is the sense of community that it offers. In addition to my jewelry, I also quilt and do collage. I’ve been sewing since I was a child. My mother-in-law got me started with quilting.

springflowersCC: What prompted you to start a blog? What keeps you going?
Cristi: Actually, reading the blog of a friend of mine and fellow jewelry designer, Kelly Warren, was what prompted me to start a blog. I thought it would be an easy and free way to promote my work and my Etsy shop. There again, as with Etsy, my blog has opened up a whole new world of online friends. It has driven traffic to my store and increased my sales in the last few months. Fellow artists’ comments left on my blog daily are what keep me going. It’s so nice to know that there are people out there in “cyberspace” who don’t “know” you, but are willing to support you with their kinds words and feedback.

leafCC: What goals do you have for your creative pursuits? What do you most hope to accomplish?
Cristi: My goals this year for my work are to “find my own voice” and also to start submitting my work to various beading publications. I’ve been struggling with defining my “style” for the past few years. I have a really strong desire to come up with something, maybe a technique or embellishment that makes my designs truly identifiable as mine. I most hope to accomplish authenticity this year, not only in my creative life but also within myself.

CC: How has motherhood changed you creatively?
Cristi: I’m ashamed to say this but motherhood has made me remorseful in some ways about my creativity. Now that I’m a mom I find myself feeling a lot of regret that I didn’t use my time before children more wisely. I struggle with this quite a bit. I’m now learning from these feelings that this will only impede any progress I may or may not make. So I’m learning to live in the moment and be as grateful and productive as I can with the time I have to work with.

beadtable-1CC: Where do you do your creative work?
Cristi: A small corner of my bedroom is where my bead tables are setup. I have a nice window for daylight and work there while my 1-year-old naps during the day. My cutting table and sewing machine are in our dining room, which we use as a computer/craft room. I hope to someday have a nice 12′ x 12′ studio separate from our house where Mommy can go to escape, lol.

CC: Do you have a schedule for your creative work? How do you make it a priority?
Cristi: With my boys being as young as they are there is little or no way to schedule time for creativity. My only avenues for time are to take advantage while they nap, beg my husband for an hour here or there on the weekends, or send them to Grandma’s for a few days, lol. I try and create after they’ve gone to bed, but some days by that time I am worn out and just want to go to sleep.

sewingtable-1CC: Is there something you do or don’t do in order to make housework and domestic life less time consuming, so that you have more time for creativity?
Cristi: Not really. I get up every morning and formulate a to-do list in my head of what needs to be done that day and if something doesn’t get done because I’ve decided to sneak off to bead or sew, then so be it. Housework can wait until I’m done. [Click on any image for a larger view — especially if you can’t read the note written on the photo above!]

CC: What do you struggle with most?
Cristi: Again, finding my own style is my best answer to this. Along with that I’d have to say the time issue is my second greatest struggle.

mixmedia1CC: Where do you find inspiration?
Cristi: Everywhere really. Blogs of other artists, Etsy, books and local art galleries and boutiques. Just the other day I was leafing through a women’s magazine and saw a trio of eyeshadow colors. I immediately tore out the page and put it up on my inspiration board. I thought to myself, “This would be a great color combo for jewelry.” Later on I decided to pull some beads in those colors and it ended up looking great. Never underestimate inspiration, it can be found in the smallest of things.

CC: What are your top 5 favorite blogs?

CC: What is your greatest indulgence?
Cristi: Right now, I’d have to say it’s the little increments of time that I take to either sit down and sew or bead. With my boys relying on me as much as they do right now, taking “me time” truly is an indulgence.

CC: What are you reading right now?
Cristi: I am reading two books right now. The first is I Dare You: Embrace Life with Passion by Joyce Meyer. The other is Taking Flight: Inspiration and Techniques to Give Your Creative Spirit Wings by Kelly Rae Roberts.

sue1CC: What advice would you offer to other mothers struggling to find the time and means to be more creative?
Cristi: Be patient and know that the time will come to you to be creative. It may be a half hour a day here and there or your husband may offer to watch the kids all day (I know that’s a bit of a stretch, lol) so you can create. Either way, learn quickly to be grateful for any amount of time you get and if you have small children like me, realize that they will be grown and self-sufficient before you know it. It’s then that the universe will reward all creative moms with ample time to do whatever our hearts desire.

CC: Lovely. Thank you so much, Cristi!

Mar 12

17 Comments

Miranda: Drive-thru motherhood

waiting_for_spring1So, the move is over, and we’ve had a month in our new home. We’re slowly moving out of the “getting settled” phase and into simply “living.” I still pinch myself every morning, amazed at our good fortune and that the whole grueling sale and purchase and moving processes are over. The kids are healthy and happy. I have a steady stream of client work. (And I heard a rumor that spring is actually coming to New England someday soon, even though this photo shows you what the world looked like from my front door on Tuesday morning.) All things considered, life is good. Very good.

Still, as I always have, I struggle with my intense desire to get things done and the reality of motherhood. It was hard for me to accept that I couldn’t just go crazy and unpack the entire house in four days, as I have in the past. This time around, I have two very young children in addition to my three older ones — and the domestic front is just too demanding to ignore for very long. Then there’s the sleep deprivation; until this week my 10-month-old baby was still waking to nurse three or four times a night. While my capacity to be productive is on the high side (the way too high side, according to my husband), even I can only do so much.

And then there are moments when I realize I’m misguided in my determination. Getting things done may make me feel good, but even I know that the point of life isn’t simply efficiency. Having a to-do list with every item checked off doesn’t do much to make me a better person or a better mother. I feel guilty about not spending enough time with the children, not giving them enough undivided attention, not giving them enough good memories. I tell myself that I’ll have more time to get on the floor and play “after the holidays” and then “after we move” and then “after we really get settled” and then “after I finish the tax planner” and then “after all the birthday parties” and then “after the big client project” — and now that I am approaching 40 years old, I am finally accepting that there is no “after.” There is only now.

I tend to put off my creative projects in the same way that I put off my children. If motherhood and creativity are two of the most important elements of my life, how do I let that happen so often?

Baby steps. I’m learning.

Some of you have heard me observe that my 18-year-old is just months away from leaving for college and the start of life as a young adult. I gobble up most opportunities to spend time with him, painfully aware that they are waning. That’s an easy one. What about the other children?

On Sunday, despite having “tons of stuff to do,” I took my nearly 15-year-old out for some “middle child time.” He’s not really the middle child anymore, seeing as he’s number two in the string of five, but he’s in there somewhere — and he’d been looking forward to some one-on-one time. We go to KFC, his chosen destination. We hit the drive-thru and park the car. Mainly our conversation centers on my son’s relationship with his girlfriend, and his many questions. I find myself sounding like a taller, American version of Dr. Ruth. As my son forks through a family-size container of mashed potatoes, I study his hands. I don’t know his hands well enough. I knew them so well when he was a baby, and now they are somewhat foreign to me. I have not paid enough attention. I need to learn them better. I need to know all my children’s hands by heart.

This Monday was my preschooler son’s fourth birthday. As part of the fun, I promised him a trip to Dunkin’ Donuts after his morning at school, before our trip to the grocery store. The morning had been tough for me — too many things to do and a baby who decided not to take a nap, which I had been counting on (silly me). Of course, as soon as we got back into the car and headed to school for pickup, the baby fell asleep — and stayed sleeping as we arrived at school and his older brother clambered into the car, excited about our trip to Dunkin’ Donuts.

I recently switched the baby to a front-facing seat, so my days of easily removing him from the car while he sleeps in the removable infant carrier are over. I wanted him to get a good nap, but I wasn’t sure I could easily placate the birthday boy, who was eager for his doughnut. What to do?

God bless Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru, even if we did have to drive way out of the way to reach one. Ironically, it was right next to the KFC that I’d taken my other son to the afternoon prior.

My 4-year-old prefers to go inside and select his doughnut from the available selection, but I managed to convince him that the drive-thru was our best option, given that his baby brother was sound asleep. In a flash of flexibility, he agreed to try it. So we ordered him a “sprinkle” doughnut and a half-caff for me (bliss in a cup!) and found a spot in the parking lot.

As my son munched on his doughnut and my hot coffee fogged the windows over, I worked on the grocery list. The morning had been so hectic that I hadn’t had time to plan the week’s dinners or make the shopping list. I normally make my list when I’m at home so that I can inventory what we already have in the cupboards and the fridge, but oh well. I forged ahead, trying to remember some of the things I cook for dinner. (Nineteen years of “homemaking” and I’m still always stumped by the dinner menu.)

The doughnut devoured, my son started getting antsy. I put down my list. (I am not by nature a playful or spontaneous person, but every now and then I have a moment.) I reached out to the windshield, now fully opaque with condensation, and drew a birthday cake with my forefinger. “What’s this?” I asked my son. He perked right up. “A birthday cake! With four candles!” Then I drew a wrapped present. My son was enchanted. I drew balloons. He was thrilled. I was surprised by the level his excitement; you would of thought I was conjuring up REAL cake and presents and balloons. We then brainstormed all the things that were missing from our two-dimensional birthday party, and I drew them one by one. When we couldn’t think of anything else, my son asked to be released from his seat so he could climb up front and draw too. He showed me that he could make a 7, which is new — and I showed him how to make a 4, which, based on his reaction, was apparently like learning the location of the Holy Grail. (Note to self: spend more time working on numbers and letters with son.)

It was just a simple thing, a blip in the middle of a busy day — an event that many of you probably wouldn’t have found noteworthy in the least. But for me, it was a reminder that there is fun and laughter in letting go. A minor creative opportunity turned out to be something wonderful, because it was wonderful to my son. The rest of the day followed in the same vein of delight and enjoyment (despite the nearly inedible Spiderman cake).

OK, so two of my best motherhood moments of late took place in the car, while sitting outside Dunkin’ Donuts and KFC. I’ll try not to read too much into that.

So I’m working on a new list. Me, the lover of lists. Spend time with your son today. Put the laptop down and play. Dance. Schedule home pedicures with your daughter. Be open to creative magic. Breathe and just be right here, right now. Even if you’re just sitting in the car after a trip to the drive-thru. Or, maybe, especially then.

Feb 27

10 Comments

Breakfast with Nina

So glad that you stopped by for our latest Breakfast installment! And you’re going to be glad too: Meet Nina Johnson, clothing designer, blogger, and single mom of two. Nina’s commitment to her creative life — and her ability to make it happen — are a huge inspiration. So whip up a fruit smoothie and enjoy!

nj1CC: Please give us an intro to who you are, what you do, and your family headcount.
NJ: Let’s see…some know me by NeoSewMama. My given name is Sha’Nina — although most everyone calls me Nina. I’m a 29-year-old funky, vegan, urban hippie, rockin’ a nose ring and a curly red ‘fro, who designs clothing, sings way too much, and spends most of my time making the lives of those around me lovely. I’m currently living in my hometown of Portland, Oregon, which just so happens to be the metropolis of everything funky, vegan, indie, and Earth conscious…therefore I fit right in!

nj2I am a single SAHM to two beautiful and full-of-life little people — Jade, 6, and Myles, 3. I also have a special guy in my life who we call Buckets, that I spend as much time with as his busy college football coaching job allows (long-distance relationships aren’t for the faint of heart).

My journey as a SAHM began when we learned shortly after birth that Jade had a rare condition called VACTERL Association. She spent 3 1/2 months in the NICU, had countless surgeries (open-heart, diaphragmatic hernia repair, TEF repair…just to name a few) and once home, required my around the clock TLC. nj3Although she has long-lasting medical issues, Jade has made remarkable strides from where she once was.

A few years ago (after becoming a single mom and having Myles), I began providing in-home daycare so that I could bring in some extra income and remain at home with my children. About 10 months ago I realized that the long hours and stress was putting too much of a strain on our little family, so I quit and decided to pursue my clothing designing on a more full-time basis.

CC: Tell us about your creative work and what’s on the offing in your Etsy shop.
NJ: Although my true love creatively is clothing construction, baking and crafting with my children come in a close second and third.nj4 I can and will make just about anything. Lately I have been focusing a lot of time on learning (and mastering) dyeing, printmaking, crocheting, knitting, and weaving. I used to think it was bad that I was so all over the place with my creative interests. I now know that it’s great because it expands the possibilities of what I can create.

My goal is to incorporate all of these various mediums into my clothing creations as embellishments. My dream is to build a complete line of clothing and accessories and to successfully maintain a boutique of my own. Right now, my etsy shop consists of a few hand-dyed items and a handful of my favorite vintage finds. Over the next month or so I plan to introduce many new designs…mostly one-of-a-kind pieces for spring and summer.

nj5CC: What prompted you to start a blog? What keeps you going?
NJ: I originally decided to start a blog as a project of sorts with my best friend and sister, Ki. We are inseparable (even though we live thousands of miles away and didn’t grow up with each other) and are ALWAYS finding things that we can do together. We thought blogging would be a good way to document all the things happening in our lives and provide a visual scrapbook not only for the two of us to share, but also something that we could show our children someday. Gradually it grew into much more than that as I found it becoming a part of me…my voice. As a single, stay-at-home mom with very little family and few friends, I spend all of my time with my children. There is only so much that I can share with them…meaning there is not a lot of deep, intellectual conversation being had here. So a lot of my thoughts and ideas where being stifled. I have found that blogging is just a new form of the journaling that I have used as an outlet throughout my life. I’ve also met so many wonderful people blogging. I feel blessed to have made many lifelong connections through the blogging community.

CC: Do you find that your blog keeps you “honest” creatively? Meaning that you have a place to state your intentions — and that you need to keep producing work in order to have something creative to blog about?
NJ: I do believe that it keeps me honest creatively…just not necessarily so that I have something to blog about. I mean I do believe that mentioning my works in progress helps keep me motivated somewhat. I’m a firm believer in the idea that we speak things into being. So once I state it there…and can visually see it, I am much more determined to see it completed. As much as I am blogging to share my creations with others, I am also doing it to encourage myself.

nj6CC: Where do you do your creative work?
NJ: I do most of my creating in our living room/dining room. I began working in a small space I set up so that I could work while watching the kids play. My work has now spilled over to the dining room table (it has a larger cutting surface area). I have also created a dye “studio” in my basement in which I spend quite a bit of time as well. I want to move my work elsewhere so I can feel better about leaving things messy, but that will have to wait…more than likely until we move into a bigger place.

nj7CC: Do you have a schedule for your creative work?
NJ: I have a schedule. I even went as far as setting alarms into my BlackBerry to stay on track. It worked for a while but as of late we have had a lot of distractions and illnesses that have really curtailed things on the creative end. Since I’m at my best in the morning, I try and spend the first two hours back home after dropping Jade off at school blogging, e-mailing, picture taking, packaging, fabric cutting and/or sewing. From noon til 8:30 it’s pretty much mommy duty. After the kids are in bed I try to fit in as much sewing and dyeing as I can before I pass out (which lately has been well before 10 p.m.).

nj10CC: How has motherhood changed you creatively?
NJ: My journey through motherhood has pushed me to pursue my creative endeavors with much more passion. I was originally planning to go to college for fashion design right after high school. But for whatever reason I thought it was impractical, so I put my interest in clothing design aside and focused on becoming a teacher instead. I packed away my sewing machine and let it sit collecting dust. After many, many years of always putting everyone else’s needs first and going out of my way to make sure everyone else was happy, I made the choice that it was time to do something for me. I rediscovered my first love…sewing.

nj9CC: What do you struggle with most?
NJ: My biggest challenges are time management and staying productive. There is hardly enough time in the day to do all the things that I need to do, even less to do all that I should do and NEVER enough to do all that I want to do. I have tried many tactics — some that have worked better than others (lists and prioritizing), but it continues to be a struggle. I want so badly to be able to become more productive as far as my shop is concerned. I have very small blocks of time to work within, so a dress that I should be able to finish in day usually takes me days (sometime a week) to complete. I know there is a solution…I just haven’t discovered it yet.

nj11CC: Where do you find inspiration?
NJ: I find inspiration everywhere…literally. Playing outside with kids. The colors in ads or product packaging, old movies, African and Japanese culture, magazines, people on the street, blogs, the way my daughter puts her clothing together, vintage fabric, my imagination…the list goes on. I sketch out ideas as I get them…sometimes in my sketchbook other times on napkins, receipts, bills, or on whatever I have near me at the moment.

CC: What are your top 5 favorite blogs?
NJ: Just five? Hmmmm…this is hard. I’ll have to do the first five that come to mind…

  1. Quejimenez — my sis
  2. Fly
  3. Heart Handmade
  4. Jubella
  5. Puhti

nj12CC: What is your greatest indulgence?
NJ: Indulgences…another hard question. It used to be fabric and magazines but I have cut both my fabric and magazine buying drastically in the last year or so. I’d have to say that drinking tea or coffee in the morning before the kids wake up…and again at night after “cuddle time” is over is something I like doing just for me. The occasional pint of Ciao Bella Blood Orange Sorbet or a movie via Netflix (when I can stay awake) is always a lovely treat. With all that said, my most favorite thing — hands down — is spending time being silly with my children. Our singing/dance parties are much more lively than any nightclub could ever be.

CC: What are you reading right now?
NJ: I’m always reading something. There are stacks of books all over my house to prove it. Never been much of a novel person. I was always that kid reading biographies and home improvement/how-to manuals…which is probably why I can figure out how to make just about anything. The books I’m currently dragging from room to room are: Donald Trump’s Think Big and Kick Buttocks (I don’t use the real word), The Unschooling Handbook, The God of Small Things, Ralph S. Mouse (with the kids), Fast Knits Fat Needles and a constant source of reference is Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth.

nj13CC: What advice would you offer to other mothers struggling to find the time and means to be more creative?
NJ: I know it sounds like the obvious, but be creative when and wherever you can be. As a single mama with very little help, I’m almost never alone. If I waited for free time to create it would never happen. I find things to do that are portable and take them with me to Jade’s doctor’s visits, to the park or anywhere else we go. It may take me a bit longer to finish things, but at least I’m continually creative.

Although creating for self is great, I believe making time to create on a daily basis with your children is just as important. Teaching kids to be creative at an early age helps open them up to self-discovery and gives them methods in which to express themselves. It puts the power to dream in their fingertips.

nj8It’s never too late to learn a new craft or skill. I’ve always wanted to learn to crochet or knit but could never quite get the hang of it. I had come to the conclusion that maybe it just wasn’t for me. But after Jade learned to knit from a kit she got last Christmas, I was determined to pick up a pair of needles myself. I’m happy to report that since then I have not only taught myself to knit, but I have also figured out crocheting and we have made a weaving loom as well. I guess I’m trying to master all the fiber arts.

Last but not least, NEVER let anything or anyone keep you from expressing yourself creatively. There have been many setbacks and detours in my life that at times had me questioning whether or not I should pursue my creative endeavors. But to suppress that desire would be to deny all that is within me. And what good are you to anyone — yourself, your family, or society — if you aren’t your authentic self? I have known from a very young age who I was meant to be and what I wanted to do with my life. I am not settling for anything less than living this dream. Don’t stop until you have become the you that you see in your dreams!

CC: Love, love your advice and perspective, Nina. Thank you so much!

Feb 19

12 Comments

Georgia: Those Literary Mamas Know How to Inspire

georgiaSomething wonderful happened last Friday night.

It was one of those nights that stands out and can inspire for days, months, who knows…even years. I had put the event on my Facebook calendar at least a month in advance.

In conjunction with the Association of Writers & Writing Programs Conference being held in Chicago, Literary Mama editors and columnists were having a reading at an independent bookstore. I even put it on my computer calendar, I was determined to go and nothing was going to stop me from going.

Well nothing was going to stop me, but me. I was feeling down last Friday and after weeks of eying the event on the computer, I decided I didn’t want to make the 20-mile trek to the bookstore. I had a dozen excellent excuses, like staying home and getting some things done (not sure what things and they never get done). Like many times before I was talking myself out of getting out there and meeting people. It’s just so much easier to just slip on some pajamas and fall into someone else’s reality on TV. Yet, at the last minute I forced myself to get dressed and told my husband, after changing my mind a dozen times, that I was in fact going out.

My mom, who now lives with us, suggested I invite my husband to go with. My four-year-old son miraculously agreed that he would be fine with Grandma, and he would let her put him to bed. In shock, I invited my husband to join me, he agreed, and we set off across Chicago to the quaint neighborhood of Andersonville.

My husband was relieved that there was another man in the audience, and the “mamas” were a friendly bunch. It was an intimate gathering of about 20 people. One by one different “literary mamas” took the stage and read their work.

It was truly amazing to hear these women, these mothers, talk about their struggles and triumphs with children, parents, partners, the world, and even themselves. I was already captivated by their written words, and now hearing their powerful words in their own voices, was all the more moving. The essay read by Susan Ito especially encouraged me. She writes a regular column at Literary Mama called “Life in the Sandwich,” which she explained follows the adventure of her family since her elderly mother moved in. Personally, my dad who is 90 and my mom who is 82 recently moved in with us in our “cozy” house. Ito’s experiences in her piece entitled “McMemories” were mirrors to my own.

After the reading, I bought a book I couldn’t afford (unfortunately I couldn’t buy all of the books by the group), and my husband and I went to find a place to eat. We got a delicious pizza and calamari at a charming restaurant on the corner, where we discussed the readings and my own writing projects. It was a real adult date, something that has been rare in the past four plus years.

You must check out the website of Literary Mama (“the magazine for the maternally inclined”) if you haven’t already. And the many books that members of this group has generated such as The Maternal Is Political: Women Writers at the Intersection of Motherhood and Social Change, Literary Mama: Writing for the Maternally Inclined, A Ghost at Heart’s Edge: Stories and Poems of Adoption, Real Life & Liars (forthcoming novel by Kristina Riggle) and Mama, PhD: Women Write about Motherhood and Academic Life.

Feb 19

6 Comments

Brittany: A New Focus

Once upon a time I made dolls. It started when I was little, maybe even before elementary school. My great-grandmother, a seamstress, often babysat me and her house was a treasure trove of fabric scraps, spare yarn, and mismatched buttons. One day I asked her if I could make a doll. She showed me how to make a pattern, supervised as I hand-sewed the body, and basically left to my disposal her arsenal of craft supplies.

I made dozens of dolls after that. Long before I was able to write, I used dollmaking as a kinetic activity to tap into my creativity. As I got older, writing supplanted dollmaking as creative hobby #1, but I still made dolls whenever I needed a jumpstart. I have made a number of different types of dolls over the years, but my favorites are made of cloth, with faces sculpted with the needle. I was working on my face-sculpting technique when life intervened. I graduated from college, found a job, had two boys who cared little for needlecraft and even less for dolls, and before I knew it, it had been years since I’d attempted a new project. I kept saying I wanted to make dolls again, but always put it off.  There were only so many hours in the day and if I was going to indulge in a hobby, writing always won out.

But lately, I haven’t had much interest in writing. The final push to finish my novel, combined with my months-long recovery from whooping cough and pneumonia have left me stripped and bare and uninspired. John is also becoming more curious and isn’t happy to sit idly by anymore while I type page after page. I’ve been through this before with Sam, but this time, instead of trying to fight it, I just put the writing aside. It’s no longer an all-consuming fire for me. I’m still writing, never fear, but only in a piddling manner, writing in fits and starts, and only when the mood strikes me.  My life is chaotic right now, and to force yet another to-do on myself would be counter-productive.

Which brings me to Saturday…

It was Valentine’s, and aside from the usual card exchange with Tom, was an ordinary day in every regard. We got up early to take Sam to his gym class, ran a few errands before lunchtime, came home, put the boys down for naps, Tom got to work finishing the last of the tile in the powder room and entryway, I went to my novelist’s critique group. It was a good time, we all laughed, I got excellent feedback, drove home. And yet I found myself totally overwhelmed with angst. There was no reason for it, but nonetheless, it was there — this undeniable feeling of anxiety and dread.

In the meantime, my brother-in-law got engaged, and posted the news on Facebook for all to see. I got online as soon as I got home, hoping I would be comforted by the familiarity of my laptop, and saw his change in status. I couldn’t be happier for them. But I also felt like it was about time he proposed to her.

An image popped into my head of Cupid, wearing oversized boxing gloves, hitting slowpoke boyfriends upside the head on Valentine’s Day. My fingers began itching to sew him. I went upstairs and found the perfect fabrics in my long-neglected stash of craft supplies. I got to work on him right away, and slowly the anxiety began to fade.

He was a quick project as far as dolls go. I finished him Sunday afternoon. Unlike a novel, where train of thought matters, I could pick him up and put him down as needed. Sam sat beside me while I sewed, entranced with his train videos, and I was able to escape a bit more deeply into my sewing than I ever could have with my writing. I’ve needed that — the ability to shut out the rest of the world like that — and having that time in my own head was just what I needed to shrug off the funk I was in.

Since then, I have felt a bit of my spirit revive. I am a little bit happier now that I have reclaimed a bit of my former self. My writing life is still on the horizon, but for now, my new focus is on the dolls.

[Editor’s note: Brittany’s cupid doll won this week’s creativity contest!]

Feb 18

14 Comments

Cathy: Can someone please explain how all the time in the world disappears without writing?

[Editor’s note: Shortly after she submitted this post on Monday, Cathy wrote to ask me not to publish it after all. She worried that her post sounded too whiny. I told Cathy that I thought she didn’t sound whiny at all, and that she was covering ground that many of us can relate to. (Me, for one!) At my urging, she agreed to the posting. Thanks, Cathy!]

Right now, I am a stay-at-home mother with a baby who won’t sleep off of me and must have one hand pinching, rubbing, or tweaking my muffin-top under my shirt at virtually all times, not just when she’s nursing. I look around my home, and think I need to do laundry, wash dishes, plan meals better, etc., but feel like I am accomplishing nothing because of little miss clingy or I’m on the chase because she must crawl, cruise, etc in the rare moments she is not attached to me. I know the regulars here are thinking my lack of sleep and how Baby C won’t sleep off of me are becoming like a Zen mantra of complaint: noooo sleeeeep….oooommmm…..noooo sleeeeeep. I’m sorry, but this is what I’m living right now. I have raised two other kids out of this phase and nannied a handful of others when the boys were little, so I know not all babies are this clingy and shallow sleeping. Just mine, apparently.

I must add that while it seems she is preventing me from getting anything done, she is generally a pretty mellow baby who is kicking my keyboard when I’m not giving her my full attention because I’m trying to have a creative life or a somewhat internet based social life. She’s not a screamer, like at times, my eldest could be, or always, like my second was. She’s generally the most pleasant baby I have known. But if I put her down in the port-a-crib, she won’t sleep and fusses for me like I’m breaking her heart. If she’s crawling around when I’m trying to accomplish something, S (by some miracle) is the only person who can pick her up and put her in the port-a-crib, and she’ll entertain herself nicely for enough time to make dinner, as long as she can see me hovering at the stove.

Now I can and do easily and often analyze the part I’m playing in this, such as giving in to her baby demands when I should let her be, put her down, train her to sleep off of me, etc. But then I turn around and don’t remedy it with all the advice I can readily give others. Part of me says, I’m 43, I had no business having this baby at this age, but in having her, I appreciate and want to hold her and have much more patience and appreciation for her than I did when my boys were little and I was 10 and more years younger, working, etc. I think my age difference is very telling about patience and perspective.

However, I’m trying to finish writing a novel. It’s not a very big or complicated one, it’s a children’s novel for goodness sake! A good old friend peeks in on this blog, but doesn’t comment because he’s a guy. He calls periodically with concern. He’ll say things like: are you sure now is the best time for you to be trying to finish the novel — because I remember when my son was that age, and it was impossible to write between lack of sleep and divided attentions. I thank him, tell him, I need to finish it now because I’m that close, and if I can sell it, it may bring some much needed income and assuage my guilt in that department.

Then I think: when S was in part time integrated preschool thru first grade and K was in kindergarten through fourth grade, I was working upwards of three part-time jobs, going through an unpleasant divorce that took forever, and began writing this novel. I was able to write it in the 30-minute snatches between my arrival home from job number one and when S’s bus arrived. I was extremely stressed, had no time, little to no child care, terrible finances, yet I wrote and managed my home by myself. And read The New Yorker within the week, novels and the collected poems of Robert Penn Warren repeatedly. I also journalled a la The Artist’s Way every morning while staving off the boys with the mantra “mommy’s morning pages!” How the heck did I manage all of that and start a relationship with my current husband, too? I seem to recall passing out on him often when we’d rent a movie at the beginning of our relationship. He claims that’s why he fell in love with me: I drooled on his shirt sitting on his couch on our second date.

Now I can barely see the time fly by while I feel like I am incapable of reading a book, doing anything beyond the wash and fold stage of laundry re: housework, yet I am home all the time! I have no brain to maintain a level of writing on a regular basis that I can honestly say: yeah, that sustains from the last part, and I can be proud of it. Is it that in being able to be more present for the baby, at my age, I am also less able to multitask in the ways I needed to at a much more stressful albeit younger time in my life? Or is it merely, I have baby-fied lack of sleep brain and forgot exactly how that taxes the mind from when my boys were also less than ideally sleeping babies?

I also know that I don’t feel like I’m having a heart attack for most of the day, because my stress level is nowhere near what it was then.

Someone please explain. Maybe I’m just having an overly critical moment. I did only write the first not quite 30 pages then, now I’m on page 85, after a four-year hiatus.

Feb 17

2 Comments

Writing and motherhood

From the Irish Independent, a glimpse into the life of Cathy Kelly, best-selling writer and mother of 5-year-old twins. The piece includes her own writing tips.

cathykelly_278722tSince discovering motherhood, Cathy admits that her writing schedule has changed. “I don’t want the boys to think they aren’t as important as my work, so I tend to do the real ‘working mother’ thing, which means everything fits around them. If I’m in trouble near the end of a book, I just work at night when they go to bed, which I hate doing, but sometimes it’s the only way. I’d prefer to be there for them in the afternoon.

“John and I get the boys ready for school, then we drive them in and I start working at my desk from 9.30am until 2pm. I always pick the boys up. You can count on one hand the amount of times I haven’t dropped or picked them up. My theory would be to do another hour of writing after they come home, but a lot of the time that doesn’t work out very well because my study is in the house and they come in and out. They think it’s their computer that I get to work on. They call what I do ‘mummy’s typing’.”

No matter where she is, Cathy will always write something daily, even on holidays. “Maybe it goes back to the journalism days where I worked full-time and wrote three books; I got so used to working all the time that I got used to working on holidays. Now, when we go down to Spain, I take a laptop.”

Read the full article here.

Feb 16

7 Comments

Johanna: An introduction

dscn0865I recently found this site via one of my favorite bloggers, Ophelia Rising. I am so excited and honored to be joining such a creative, diverse, and supportive network!

I stopped working after the birth of my first child two years ago to become a full-time mother. I loved being a stay-at-home mom, but also wished to better integrate my creative and intellectual sides. I missed the intellectual and creative stimulus of my former job as assistant publisher of a wine trade magazine. I started my blog, Ecology of a Woman, in an effort to maintain a sense of self and coherent thought! I needed a forum in which to express myself on another level.

My goal is to become a successful freelance writer and author. Writing has been calling me for a long time now but I have never had the time for it because I was too busy working! I did publish a couple of articles in the wine magazine but, because it was a wine journal, my voice was dictated by its style. I am now in search of my own style and unique voice.

I thought motherhood would be the perfect time to begin a freelance career, that I would have the freedom and energy to find my voice and begin. I can hear the laughing now — freedom and energy? Not words that rhyme very often with stay-at-home mom! I am now wiser, but I am determined to integrate a successful writing career into my life as a mother.

Although it is a challenge to integrate the two, motherhood and writing, it is truly the life I have always wanted. I have always wanted to simply live life in an interested and curious way and write about it. And here is my chance, truly, but it is more challenging with a child. But also more conducive, in a way. There’s a lot of writing material in motherhood!

As for who I am besides mother and aspiring writer, I am also passionate about plants, gardening, wine and food, nature, running, and other cultures and traveling. I am planning my first-ever trail race this June! My husband works as an underwater construction diver which is not a regular 9-5 job, as you can imagine! His work requires quite a bit of travel. This presents yet another layer to our lives as I am alone quite a bit of the time raising our daughter, and we also spend quite a bit of time traveling to visit my husband on various jobs. When my husband is working, he is generally gone for weeks at a time. The upside of this is that when he isn’t working, we get the entire stretch of time together as a family. We also have a very energetic golden retriever!

tn-2My family is huge, it’s a tribe! I have nine brothers and sisters, four full sisters from my mom and five half brothers and sisters from my father’s previous marriages. My father is 87! Gives one perspective! I am very frugal thanks to his Depression upbringing. He was a designer and built some beautiful homes in the style of Frank Lloyd Wright, lots of redwood and glass. Very Zen, Big Sur, California style. My mother is a recently retired Latin teacher who comes from a literary background. She home taught all four of her daughters. She is very elegant and European. I also have a tribe of friends and am very social, although I find increasingly as I get older that I need more and more time to myself.

We grew up in a very bohemian lifestyle that included a stretch of time living out of our VW bus, traveling around California! You wonder where I get my gypsy tendencies! I grew up half the time in a central California beach town and the other half in a tiny town in northern California. We were camped there on our extended VW road trip when it turned winter and, instead of heading back home, my father and mother instead decided to buy a house right there and then and that is how we ended up having two homes from living in a third (bus)!

Again, I cannot believe my luck to have found this site. It is just what I needed to get more serious about my writing and it is just the environment in which I think I can grow as a writer. I so look forward to getting to know more about each one of you and exchanging creative thoughts, ideas, and plans!

Jan 29

5 Comments

Georgia: I am Mother and writer…hear me roar

When my four-and-a-half-year-old son was a newborn, I remember my best friend asking me how I felt being a new mom. She asked if I thought it would interfere in my career. I think she was trying to find out if I was having postpartum depression.

I told her that having my beautiful son made me want to be the best person I could be and I had to pursue my dreams so he would learn to pursue his. I spoke the truth and I feel the same way now. But the difficulty often lies between the theoretical and the practical.

I have wanted to be a writer since I was in junior high. For my seventh grade English class, I wrote a dramatic tale about two lost children trying to find their way home. They meet many different people and animals along the way. My teacher even said I should try to get it published. I never did send it out but I knew then that writing was my passion.

In college I studied sociology and child development instead of English or journalism. I still wrote, filling up many tattered notebooks. But I just didn’t have the confidence to show other people my stories. Writing was the one thing I wanted to do and if I failed at that where would I be? So I just wouldn’t try…great logic I know.

By lucky circumstance, I got a job at a daily newspaper as a news assistant. I thought that I would just be writing calendar listings and sorting mail. One day the religion reporter said, “Georgia, will you cover this story for me.” And that was it. Soon I was writing almost 100% of the time. I started to pitch my own stories, even series of stories. I wrote a weekly entertainment column. I was a writer. I may not have been getting paid much and my title wasn’t “reporter.” But I was really a writer.

After working at the paper for a year I moved to Colorado with my then fiancé. Within a year I was married and pregnant. I got an office job at the local hospital. My own lack of self-confidence kept me from looking for a writing job. I guess that is why my friend asked me those questions.

I now live in a suburb of Chicago and I have found my way back to writing. I was a staff writer for a weekly newspaper based in the South Chicago neighborhood of Hyde Park, where President Obama lived before moving to Washington. I have even co-authored a book, it happens to only be printed in Japan…but hey it is a book. I decided to quit the newspaper job because it required being away from home many nights and weekends. I’m now trying to make a go of freelance writing.

Motherhood, I guess it’s about trying to be that “best person” while still having time to pick your son up after a fall, or taking time to play in the snow or watch another episode of Spiderman. The dirty laundry often trumps sending out brilliantly worded query letters, and it is near impossible to fit in that workout at the gym.

But hey, at least I can say with confidence now I’m a writer.

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