Skip to content

Posts from the ‘Miranda’ Category

Oct 5

7 Comments

Thinking, Feeling, and Creating

For most of us, it’s extremely difficult to separate our selves from our thoughts and our feelings. We are conditioned to believe that our thoughts and feelings are reality, and that when we don’t act on them, we are somehow being untrue to our “selves.”

But what we don’t realize is that it’s the mind’s job to churn out thought after thought — sometimes random, sometimes disturbing, sometimes completely nonconstructive. The best way to honor your self is to ask: “Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it is true?”

I’ve come to realize that all of my disturbing or upsetting thoughts fall into one of two categories: rehashing or rehearsing. It’s that simple. So when I find myself feeling anxious, stressed, or upset, I backtrack to identify the source of that unpleasant emotion. Then I can say, “Oh, there I am, rehashing what happened yesterday with my son,” or, “There I am, rehearsing what might go wrong at this week’s teleclass,” and let those thoughts go. They are just thoughts. The mind produces  thoughts, without invitation. That’s what it does.

By stepping away and inserting some space there, I am able to stay in touch with the fact that my thoughts are, as it turns out, just thoughts. They are not inherently the “truth.” It’s just my mind doing its thing, and there’s no mandate for me to participate by engaging in the next step: having unpleasant emotions. I can’t feel upset about something without first having an upsetting thought as a catalyst.

At the moment, on account of my daily meditation practice and doing “The Work” of Byron Katie (thanks to Ellen Olson-Brown and Pamela Jarboe), I am in a space where I am having a lot of fun allowing thoughts to rise and pass away.

The more I practice this, the easier it becomes, to the point that I can actually laugh at the absurdity of getting upset about someone jumping the queue at the post office or stewing over what so-and-so might or might not have meant by her ambiguous comment yesterday or what I’ll do if the conference table I ordered doesn’t arrive in time. What’s the worst that will happen? I’ll figure out a Plan B when I need to. How much of what I worry about is actually a matter of life and death? And even if it is, then what? It is what it is. I can only control myself, which starts by deciding not to be a reactive puppet to a mind that doesn’t necessarily serve my greater good — or anyone else’s.     

By choosing not to let my mind get into the driver’s seat, I’m better able to avoid driving against the traffic on a mental four-lane highway. I am able to save far more bandwidth for my family, my creative work and the other things that matter most deeply to me. Why fritter away my energies chasing imaginary wrongs and “problems”? There’s no point in messing up today by rehashing and rehearsing.

“Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.”
~Byron Katie

What works for you?

This piece was reprinted from the last issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter.
Click here to subscribe!

Sep 7

7 Comments

The Importance of Making Space

Making space for your creative work is almost as important as making time for your creative work. When you have a work space that feels inviting and inspiring — even if it’s just the corner of a room — turning to your creative work feels like a delightful retreat, rather than just another item on your endless “to-do” list.

In her fabulous book, The Creative Habit, Twyla Tharp notes: “To get the creative habit, you need a working environment that’s habit-forming.” When you have a space that calls to you, it’s easier to go there regularly. Regularity, as Tharp points out throughout her book (as the title would suggest), is the heart of creative output.

We all know Virginia Woolf’s famous dictum that “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” Woolf was speaking about the feminist need for independence in order to create. Most of us probably feel comparatively liberated, despite the fact that we have children and Woolf did not — but her point is well taken.

Many of us don’t have the luxury of our own room or even the corner of a room to call our own. We take over the dining table when the muse strikes and then have to dismantle the work area when it’s time to eat. If this is the case for you, brainstorm ways to make this process as user-friendly as possible.

It’s also possible that there IS a nook or cranny lurking in your home that you could claim for yourself with a bit of re-thinking. Bring your creative skills to finding a space in your home that helps you return to your creative, authentic self as seamlessly as possible. And if you’re fortunate enough to have your own space, you might spend a bit of time in the coming month editing out anything in this space that doesn’t work for you anymore. Clean it up, organize, bring in a few fresh visuals that speak to you. Make it yours. Then, dig in.

“Without the studio, however humble,
the room where the imagination can enter cannot exist.”
~Anna Hansen

What works for you?

This piece was reprinted from the last issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter.
Click here to subscribe!

Aug 21

4 Comments

Practicing Gratitude

If there’s a quick-fix antidote to feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or off center, it is surely the practice of gratitude.

Feeling grateful requires a return to presence, awareness, and an expansive heart. Filling up on gratitude is incompatible with feelings of irritation. When we connect with what we appreciate in our daily lives, we are both humbled and empowered. As Arianna Huffington observed: “When we recognize the sacred in the mundane, we allow gratitude to enter our lives. Gratitude has always been for me one of the most powerful and least practiced emotions. Living in a state of gratitude is living in a state of grace.”

We know in our hearts that this is true, and yet it’s so easy to drift away from the simple magic of practicing gratitude. One way to incorporate gratitude into daily life is the wonderful practice of keeping a gratitude journal: taking a few moments each evening to make note of the day’s beauty. This can be as simple as a numbered list of half-a dozen words, or a full-on journal entry.

“Music and art both spring from a grateful heart.”
~Katie Wood McCloy

If you have a smartphone, you might want to browse in the app store for one of the many excellent gratitude apps. “Gratitude Journal” for the iPhone is one of my favorites; you can even choose a photo to highlight each day.

Another option it to take some time each morning to focus on what you’re grateful for. You might even consider incorporating gratitude into intention journaling. A mindful expression of gratitude is a wonderful companion to planning the logistic elements of what needs to be accomplished in the coming day. You may find that this practice is as energizing as that extra cup of coffee, but without the jitters. Try it and see what you think!

“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche

What works for you?

This piece was reprinted from the last issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter. Click here to subscribe!

Jul 21

New Resource: Eric Maisel’s World Salon

Eric Maisel, prolific writer and creativity coach extraordinaire, has launched a new creativity resource with his wife, Ann Maisel. This new venture is the World Salon, an interactive resource for creatives around the globe. And I’m thrilled to have the inaugural column in the Coach’s Corner! Opportunities to contribute abound, so don’t miss out. More about the World Salon, from Dr. Maisel’s introduction:

Think­ing about writ­ing a mys­tery? Need to raise money to pro­duce your album? Need help as a begin­ning cos­tume designer? Want to give more pow­er­ful audi­tions? Look­ing for inspi­ra­tion as a tex­tile artist?

You’ve come to the right place!

My name is Eric Maisel and I’ve invited cre­ative and per­form­ing artists from around the world to share their expe­ri­ences and their exper­tise with you—for free. Our World Salon is a world­wide com­mu­nity of cre­ative indi­vid­u­als from all walks of life who are look­ing for com­mu­nity, resources, and a place to feel heard and under­stood. We hope that the World Salon will become that place.

Our fea­tures include a library of Ten Tip pdfs that you can down­load imme­di­ately, read, and use. And we’ll be adding more all the time! We have a fea­ture called World­wide Per­spec­tives where more than a hun­dred cre­ative and per­form­ing artists from around the world share their expe­ri­ences in “Let­ter From” columns (for exam­ple, “Let­ter from Los Ange­les,” “Let­ter from Lon­don,” and “Let­ter from Berlin”). We have other fea­tures, too, like an artist’s voice fea­ture, links to great arti­cles, a coach’s cor­ner, a philosopher’s corner—please look around!

I hope that you’ll want to con­tribute to our com­mu­nity. Many of our fea­tures are open to you. Look around, see what inter­ests you, and join our world­wide com­mu­nity of contributors!

Please enjoy your visit.

Check it out!

Jul 13

6 Comments

Filling the Well with Well-Being

Mothers take care of other people. It’s what we do. And we don’t get sick days. You’re so tired you can barely move, but you still have to scrape yourself off the floor and go change that poopy diaper or drive your teenager to ice hockey practice at some ungodly hour.

With so many non-negotiable tasks at hand, it’s easy to slip into an abyss without even realizing you’re in free-fall. Everything seems fine on the surface: you’re taking care of home and family, getting your work done, and nothing unusually stressful is going on — and yet something isn’t right. You’re vaguely aware that you aren’t spending much — if any — time being creative, except you’re too busy to think about it. But you start getting irritated with your spouse and children. Even the dog starts bothering you with her constant shedding and slobbery ways. Your beautiful home morphs into a giant pair of shackles, and you’re suddenly only the laundress, cook, scullery maid, assistant, chauffer, accountant, and charwoman — and likely also earning a paycheck. No one appreciates what you do, or the fact that between 6:30 a.m. and 9:30 p.m. you have about five minutes of downtime. You get resentful, sometimes even angry, which may mean you stop talking and perhaps drop each loaded dinner plate onto the table a little less graciously than you’d intended.

When you spend your life careening from one responsibility to the next — even if you enjoy those responsibilities — it’s easy to lose sight of yourself and start resenting the people you live with, which doesn’t work for anyone. Consider the aphorism “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” If you’re feeling grim, all the little sponges in your house are going to pick up on that vibe, even if they don’t verbalize it.

When you’re already doing so much that you can’t imagine doing more, how can you find time to reconnect with yourself? Start small and simple. Reconnecting may or may not involve “art,” per se. Chose something that makes you feel good. The feeling of ease is what restores your center. This spills over into your creative process.

When are you at your happiest? Interestingly, some mothers aren’t able to answer this seemingly straightforward question. Can you? Grab an index card or a notebook and write down everything you can think of that makes you feel good. Is there a way to integrate some of those conditions or activities into daily life? What can you do every day to help ensure that the present moment feels like the gift that it really is? Are there three small things you can commit to doing every day that might impact your sense of well-being? This is really about developing a few new habits, rather than about heaping more “shoulds” onto the pile. (Goodness knows, the last thing we need is more shoulds.) With a bit of intention and some new routines, you may find yourself living more fully — in art and motherhood — than you ever thought possible.

What works for you?

This piece was reprinted from the last issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter. Click here to subscribe!

Jul 6

2 Comments

The Art of Summer

Summertime brings inevitable changes to our daily routines. Whether it’s the longer days, kids out of school, vacation plans, or simply the warmer weather, you may be finding it difficult to focus on your creative work. Here’s how to get the most out of the summer months without losing creative momentum.

  • Use the outdoors to your advantage. If your creative work is portable, take it outside. Paint outside, play music outside, work on your laptop outside. Allow yourself to soak up the intensity of summer and invite the season to permeate your creative work. For those in northern climates, summer is gone in the blink of an eye — so get out there and enjoy it, while being creative to boot. Click here for more on making the most of the outdoors.
  • Chose a creative goal to complete before autumn. Consider the framework of your summer and decide on a reasonable objective. Your goal might be “finish five chapters in my novel,” “complete three canvases,” or simply “be creative every day.” Share your goal with others, as accountability will help you stay on track. You might also consider an external endpoint, such as a contest deadline, to add focus.
  • Set a minimum daily requirement. Summer seems to require an extra dose of flexibility — and the last thing you want is more “shoulds” in your life. That said, it’s helpful to set a “bare minimum” daily requirement as a target. Being creative every day keeps the pump primed and will make it much easier for you to resume your regular creative practice when the time comes. So decide that no matter what, every day you will write 100 words, sketch for 10 minutes, sing for half an hour — whatever makes sense.
  • Take a creative staycation. If budget and/or logistics prohibit going on a creative retreat, make your own. Pick a long weekend, design your own program, and send the kids to grandma’s. Your retreat can include a trip to a museum, a long solitary walk, browsing art magazines or an inspiring book, and of course, plenty of creative practice.

This article originally appeared in the June 2011 newsletter of the Creativity Coaching Association. Reprinted by permission.

Jun 30

6 Comments

Miranda: I Surrender

Many of us grapple with a mounting sense that things aren’t quite right. Life is beautiful, in lots of ways, but if we could just shift this or that or accomplish X, the pieces would fit together better and we could make it all work. At that magical moment, we’d finally arrive at that elusive place of “balance” that everyone always talks about.

With trumpet fanfare in the background, we’d finally figure out how to raise happy children while holding down a job, reading two books a week, keeping the house spotless, fitting into our skinny jeans, growing heirloom tomatoes, and making mind-boggling progress in our creative work that results in a finished project that ultimately brings fame and fortune.

Right?

I’ve spent many (most) years of my life pursuing support systems and strategies that I believe will enable the flow and sense of ease that we all yearn for. I often seem tantalizingly close ~ if I could just tweak my organizational systems a bit or come up with a few more ounces of self-discipline then I would really be at the top of my game. I’d be able to do all of the most important things and stay constructively focused on my priorities.

Right?

Well, not so much. Despite my deep, abiding affection for all things organizational and relating to time management and life design, I must acknowledge that my addiction to these tools is often just another distraction. The truth is, I can’t get this messy, often chaotic life to “balance.” The pieces are big and unwieldy and no matter what I do, they’re going to fall on my head. And you know what? That’s OK. Balance isn’t really the point.

Increasingly, when I feel uncomfortable or anxious, I am able to take a breath and say, “This, too.” My preschooler has another toilet-training accident on the living room carpet? This, too. A client miscommunicates a marketing project outline and I end up having to start all over again? This, too. I can’t find time to finish that art project with the kids? This, too. The collard greens I’d planned to steam for dinner have gone wilted and weepy in the crisper? This, too. It’s the resistance that causes suffering.

I’m learning how to let go into things that are seemingly unpleasant or upsetting. I ask myself, in the refrain of Buddhist teachers, “Is this worth sacrificing my ease?” Because in truth, 99% of the time, whatever irritation or anxiety I’m experiencing is really not worth losing my sense of peace. Ease is always there, always within grasp, if I chose it.

When you start choosing ease as a matter of habit, you begin to realize how much you used to get carried away by the utterly minor dramas of daily life. You begin to notice how other people around you seem to complain a lot and are constantly fixated on what isn’t working. You can’t help but observe how so many others unwittingly opt for disharmony.

You can’t change other people, and that’s OK. You can’t be all things to everyone at the same time. You can’t do everything you want to accomplish today, right now. You can’t fit your many passions into a simultaneous funnel. But you can learn to wake up in wonder at the start of each new day.

This, too.

This piece was reprinted from a past issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter. Click here to subscribe!

Jun 16

2 Comments

Making Creative Hay Outside

If fair weather has come to your part of the world ~ or if you live in a mild climate and enjoy fair weather more often than not ~ think about using outside resources to your creative advantage. When younger kids are out of school, making outdoor time a regular part of your routine can yield many benefits.

If you have a yard of your own, make the most of this bonus. If you have a fenced-off space ~ even a small one ~ so much the better. Many mothers are able to sit on a lawn chair and write, read, or sketch while their kids play safely nearby. You can peruse that stack of magazines you haven’t read yet ~ any reading material that is easy to put down as needed. Outdoor time is also a great opportunity to take photographs of your kids or the world around you.

To stack the odds in your favor, use this four-pronged approach to outdoor (and indoor) downtime:

  1. Make sure everyone is well fed, watered, and toileted.
  2. Spend some time totally focused on the kids.
  3. When the kids seem engaged or playing independently after having some Mommy face time, turn to your creative work.
  4. Try to remain flexible. There will be days when the kids don’t want you staring at a notebook for even 30 seconds, and there will be other days when they’re happily immersed in their own worlds for 30 minutes. Go with the flow.

If your inventory of outdoor toys seems insufficient, yard sales and consignment shops are great places to pick up a few more. You might also send an e-mail to friends with older children to ask if they have anything hiding in their garages or attics that they no longer want.

Many toddlers and young children love to play with water. Consider filling a small kiddie pool with a few inches of water and a bunch of bath or beach toys ~ often good for at least 30 minutes of interest. For other outdoor play activities, do a bit of google searching and jot down the ideas you like best.

Food always seems to be more fun outdoors, too. Whether it’s just a snack in the backyard or a full-on picknick basket in the middle of a field, eating outside makes everyone happy.

When you’re headed to the park and your kids are old enough to play safely without constant supervision and won’t walk in front of the swings, don’t forget to bring a notepad, sketchbook, or something else to spend time with while you keep one eye on the children. You may find that it’s worth going out of your way to visit a playground that is fully enclosed and is equipped with a good amount of safe climbing structures to keep your kids entertained.

While you don’t want your kids to feel like you’re constantly on standby, waiting to bolt off to your own thing, you do want to be prepared to squeeze in some creative work when the opportunity arises. Over time, you’ll find the middle way that feels best for your and your family.

What works for you? Share your experience!

This piece was reprinted from the last issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter. Click here to subscribe!

Jun 14

7 Comments

Miranda: One Dreamy Day in June

Yesterday was one of those days. No, not one of THOSE days, but one of those days. Those rare, crystalline days when the clock seems to slow its frantic pace — and magically, there’s time for everything.

I woke up before my alarm went off, feeling refreshed after an unusually restful weekend. Seemingly without effort, I went through my morning routine (20 minutes of meditation, breakfast and lunches for the family, planning the day and a brief intention journal entry, tidied the house, and started a load of laundry). Then I took Liam (my youngest) to preschool and came home to finish a client writing project while Aidan (my 6-year-old, already out of school for the summer) played Lego Star Wars. Then I completed the week’s menu plan, cleaned out the fridge, and took Aidan and the dog for a thoroughly enjoyable walk. We then went off to do the grocery shopping, run an errand, and read a few pages in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in the parking lot before it was time to get Liam.

Already feeling in the flow, we came home and the boys played in the driveway with a fresh set of sidewalk chalk while I put the groceries away. Then we went downstairs to the teenagers’ man-cave to hear some new Dear Hunter tracks that my oldest (Russell, home from college) wanted to play for me. The little guys jumped gleefully on the sectional and wrestled on the floor while I enjoyed a cup of coffee, smiling as Russell tackled Liam, who screamed in glee. It’s amazing to watch my children, in their wide range of ages, enjoy each other.

The rainy morning had cleared into sunshine, so after I advanced the laundry we all moved out onto the patio. Russell tried to focus on his own book as I read another chapter in Harry Potter to Aidan. Liam was in and out, playing with the cats and absconding with my iPhone. After a good long reading session, Aidan ran off to join his other older brother, Matthew, who was playing hacky sack in the driveway with a few of his friends. I figured this was a good time to work on a short piece I’m writing for the upcoming CCA newsletter, so while Liam was still busy with my phone (and nearly falling asleep) I sat with him on the couch and knocked out the short article. It was one of those beautifully satisfying writing sessions where the piece comes together on its own. I sent it off for review, feeling utterly content. I had finished both of the writing projects that I’d planned for the day.

With a bit more time to spare (how was this possible?) the little boys and I played a long game of Sorry and then had Loud and Crazy Dance Time while I assembled dinner (chef’s salad night, where I put out a dozen different salading items, make some fresh salad dressing, and everyone fixes their own). My husband hadn’t come home from work yet, the older boys were busy with friends, and my daughter was passed out cold (more on that here) so Aidan, Liam, and I had dinner on our own, followed by an overly gluttonous feast of organic kiwi. Read more

May 11

6 Comments

Intention Journaling

Not long ago, I became so overwhelmed with all of the things on my to-do list (and all of the many things that I really wanted to do) that I was no longer able to easily prioritize at the beginning of each day.

As a result, I’d flutter from item to item, getting a few things done, but forgetting something important that really had to be taken care of. I realized that I was so inundated that I needed to “talk” my way through to clarity. So I started “intention” journaling every morning.

Unlike Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages, I write a page every morning that specifically sets my intentions for the day. In conjunction with my planner, I outline what I’m going to do — but more than the specifics, I remind myself of the mindset of presence that I want to retain as much as possible; how I want to eat in order to nourish my body; priorities for my business, etc. It’s kind of like re-programming myself every morning. Intention journaling isn’t about re-hashing the past, although I wouldn’t want to limit myself if something really important seemed to be waving its arms in my face.

By clearing my mind and soothing anxieties, I make room for creativity. During this process, I often come up with new ideas for something I want to integrate into my coaching work or a new blog topic — I note them in my journal and then go back and highlight those items, so the journal is sort of a real-time workbook. It has been an enormous help to me in gaining clarity every morning, working though any perceived stressors, and reminding myself of what’s important before the day runs away form me.

If this approach appeals to you, give it a try. Art journaling would work here too! If you try it, let us know!

This piece was reprinted from the last issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter. Click here to subscribe!

May 3

8 Comments

Writers: How Far Can You Get on Just 250 Words?

I’ve interviewed creative women with young children at home who are desperately unhappy because they can’t get their creative work done with any kind of regularity, or even at all. Probing more deeply, I often learn that so-and-so writer mother can’t consider working on her novel if she doesn’t have four hours to herself. When I suggest trying to be more flexible with work opportunities, she resists. So then the question becomes, gently: “Do you want to get your novel written on your own terms, or do you want to get your novel written?”

It’s important to remember that nothing lasts forever. Eventually, she will again be able to enjoy four-hour stretches of solitude for writing. But if that’s not feasible right now, and the creative work is how she makes meaning, it’s more important to loosen up on those ideals and develop skills that enable more spontaneous and flexible creativity.

It’s not terribly hard to write 250 words a day. With the exception of mothers with newborns, most of us can pull off 250 words without making a major time commitment or feeling like we’re neglecting our family. The four paragraphs you’re reading right now total exactly 250 words. If you wrote 250 words a day, you would have a full-length novel written in just over a year. Does that sound like a long time? It’s not. And if you don’t write those 250 words a day, the year will pass anyway, novel or no novel. Word by word!

This piece was reprinted from the last issue of the Creative Times, our monthly newsletter. Click here to subscribe!

Apr 20

8 Comments

Miranda: Open House

So far, 2011 is turning out to be an extremely exciting year. It’s so rewarding when your collection of seemingly unrelated passions come together in one big flashing exclamation point.

Some of you may recall my post about becoming certified as a creativity coach. To that end, I’m thrilled to share with you my new creativity coaching website, www.mirandahersey.com.

What’s a creativity coach? A creativity coach is similar to a life coach, but focuses more specifically on creative work. I work with clients who are struggling with making time for art, feeling stuck creatively, or looking for guidance with a specific project or life transition. Interestingly, most creative mothers don’t seem to suffer from writer’s block or artistic dry spells. As we’ve all seen here in our 3+ years together at this blog, it’s much more common for a creative mother to feel suffused by creative ideas and new projects. Her issue is more typically a serious shortage of time. So in my coaching work, we look at all the elements in her current landscape to see how to make more room and support for creative practice.

As part of my new endeavor, I’m putting out a monthly e-newsletter as an umbrella project for Studio Mothers as well as my coaching business. The newsletter includes several tidbits of inspiration and practical advice — so I hope you’ll sign up! Just click here and then click on the newsletter icon in the left-hand sidebar. The first issue comes out tomorrow!

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »