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Posts from the ‘Christa’ Category

Sep 16

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Christa: Chances are

Freelancing over the last seven years has taught me foremost that you just never know. The most innocuous, even boring, opportunities might lead to the best ones…or they might not. The point is never to pass something up just because you don’t expect it to go anywhere. It might surprise you.

Five years ago I was assigned to write an article about cell phone forensics. At that time, no one knew much about it; I remember panicking because I had found exactly one source for the article, and he wanted to remain anonymous. Then one of my editors recommended the International High Tech Crime Investigators Association. I just needed one more source.

I can’t remember if my HTCIA source recommended the Sacramento Valley Hi-Tech Crimes Task Force by name, or if I Googled “cell phone forensics” (or something similar) and arrived at the site that way. I believe what happened next was that I emailed their generic address and hoped like heck they would get back to me (cops not being the most trusting of media). One investigator did, and ended up being tremendously helpful, someone I got along with better than I’d expected.

I didn’t expect him to keep in touch; only one other source has, and only because we reconnected on a site for crime fiction authors. (Ironically, I also interviewed her in 2003, for an article in the same issue. Her name’s Felicia Donovan; go check out her website.) But he did email me again, several times in fact, soliciting article ideas. Over time our professional relationship developed, and from there became more of a professional friendship. And that’s when we decided to collaborate.*

I don’t know what the chances were that he versus another investigator would have answered my email. Maybe he was on “media duty” that week, or maybe he was considered the “go-to” guy for media in general. The point is, if you get along well enough with a source or another creative person, don’t be afraid to follow up. Don’t think there are “boundaries” you need to respect; if you think they’re open to working more with you, ask. That’s what I did this past week, when another source dropped a few hints about writing such that I asked if he wanted to collaborate. He does, and we’re negotiating.

What’s my point? I have “chance” on the brain because I’m about to take a big one-not just the collaboration, but kicking off my freelance career as a whole once more. I’ve always been a “go with the gut” person, and my business has for the most part been successful for it. Still, I keep wondering what on earth I’m doing. I still have one (rather needy) child at home, and even though most of the sources I plan to work with have no problem hearing his little voice in the background, it’s a chance I’ve never taken before. But it, like the collaboration, feels like the right chance to take. And in my mind, that makes it worth the risk.

* I don’t mind dropping Felicia’s name, because she’s trying to sell books. However, my collaborator is still active in law enforcement and not trying to draw attention to himself. You can probably figure it out if you read enough of my articles, especially in upcoming months, but really high-tech crime — at least the way I write it — isn’t that terribly interesting!

Aug 4

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Christa: Collaboration–not the creative spark I expected

In my last post here, I talked a little about a source I’ve worked with before. In my personal blog, I’ve talked a little more about him. The reason I haven’t posted much in either place is, in fact, that source.

In the last few months, I’ve been working on more articles with him. A friendship has developed, and along with it, the beginnings of what we both think will be a strong long-term collaborative relationship. I get his ideas, the kind of information he’s trying to impart to our audience. He gets the way I work, my values as a writer. He has talked me down from creative panic (over an unwieldy and unfocused article that simply needed a little direction) and backed up my instinct (to use a source’s information for sake of balance even if it challenged his relationship with his peers).

I am amazed that this has even happened. At the start of my career, one of my dreams was to find a collaborator. I remember talking about it on and off with various people with whom I seemed to hit it off, but nothing ever came to pass. Wrong time, wrong people, I guess. Ironically, although I have always gotten along great with this particular source, I never thought of him as a potential collaborator… until this past spring, when he mentioned the possibility of working together on a book.

So? Good news, right? For the most part, yes. And at the same time, not such good news for my fiction. Developing this relationship, trying to discern the next stage in my career, has taken up huge amounts of emotional energy. It’s all tremendously positive, so I don’t mind. Yet it’s left me with little interest in my short stories or novellas. I can’t think about characters when I have this new, real-life person I’m trying to get to know. I can’t think about plot when a new chapter in my own life is unfolding. I can’t think about setting when I may be moving.

Which creates another level of anxiety. Our house is still on the market. If we go and I freelance full-time, great—I can move forward with my plans. But if we stay and I’m home with small children once again—well, what does that mean? More time for fiction, perhaps.

But also putting off a collaboration I was really looking forward to. I am confident that my friend will remain, but anxious that the momentum will be lost, the timing that was last spring will not be the same this coming spring. One step at a time, my friend tells me, and I know he’s right. I feel such a strong desire not to give up what I’ve regained this year, and at the same time, maybe we do need another few months to get to know each other before we get going on new projects… especially one as big as a book.

Meanwhile, I’m not too stressed about the state of my fiction career. I miss it, but this relationship is rather intense (hey, it’s creative!) and I know it’s the “life experience” that counts toward producing strong fiction. So, until the next stage, I’m tentatively moving forward and going with the flow—the best way, I’ve found, to handle fiction… even when it isn’t happening quite the way I expected.

May 8

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Christa: My life, my work

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been working on an article for one of the trade magazines I worked for before I had children. I don’t do much of this anymore. I learned early on that I could only write articles when I could be sure that sources would be patient with the possibility of hearing little voices in the background, and for the most part, I couldn’t be sure of that at all.

Last December, I did manage to write a strong article using two sources that had no problem hearing little voices. (It helped that my in-laws were available to watch the boys one of the days, and that my husband had a 10-day school vacation.) The experience was so good that I thought maybe I could write more articles. So when a friendly source emailed at the end of February to ask if I’d work with him again, I jumped at the chance.

And it went great, as I expected. He’s a great source. He’s fun to talk to (even a little flirtatious, which does wonders for my self-image even underneath the kid-crusts and unwashed hair). And he’s incredibly well-connected and helpful. This time around, in fact, he set me up with all the sources I needed. I didn’t even have to make first contact, and I didn’t have to wait on people. He forwarded my emails. He stayed on top of them.

Which turned out to be absolutely critical to my being on time. By the time my husband’s April school vacation rolled around, I realized I’d hardly started this article. (The source’s schedule was as much to blame as mine.) But he honored my request to wrap it up that week, while I had childcare, and so did his contacts. The weekend after I completed his and another interview (and got two emailed replies to my questions), Puck came down with a 103F fever, and I had a house showing two days before the article was due. One of my last interviews was done in the car while Hamlet stood outside, drenching my window with water from the hose.

Yet I got it done on time. And realized that in general, I cannot write any more articles until both children are in school.

Which is a damn shame. Along with the kick I get from being flirted with (not the first time this has happened with a source, though rare), I really do get a charge from writing articles on public safety, a subject that is near and dear to my heart. I recognized this today especially, when I woke up out of gas, moved through the day like frozen molasses (much to my older boy’s chagrin), and then–at the end of the day, my worst time–magically improved as I spoke to one of my editors on a different topic.

I need to work. I need to interact with adults on very specific topics–I need to feel competent as a human being before I can feel competent as a mother. And I need to create. Would that my sons were both happy to hang out on their own while I talk on the phone for an hour, but they aren’t. It will be at least another year before I can find that fulfillment. But at least now I know it isn’t completely dead.

May 6

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Christa: Scare people for a good cause

Folks, my apologies for being quiet lately. I have honestly been so busy that I haven’t had time to think much about being creative, though I’ve spent plenty of time doing it. (Upshot: I still miss writing articles, but these kids at these ages make it nigh on impossible.) But this post isn’t about me. It’s about something far more important.

Shroud Publishing (where I am assistant editor) has a new anthology in the works. Proceeds from the sales of Northern Chill (tentative): 100 Terrifying New England Tales to Tell Around a Campfire will go to the American Cancer Society. Why? At the Shroud forum, an email from author Nate Kenyon discussed the impact of cancer on his life. His words have all the more impact as we approach Mother’s Day:

When I was eight years old, my mother was diagnosed with an advanced stage of ovarian cancer. A short time later, my father was killed in a freak automobile accident, leaving my mother alone to care for two young children and battle a terrifying disease, with no hope for a cure.

My mother never let anything destroy her remarkable spirit. When I was only 4, she and my father left a comfortable life in Seattle and drove to Maine with nothing but a Volkswagen full of their personal belongings. My father set up shop as a small-town lawyer while my mother, a former teacher, learned to build passive solar houses. Then she built our home, from the ground up, with her own two hands.

I tell you this to illustrate her incredible strength and determination. She lived another five years after my father’s death, four years longer than her doctors predicted, astonishing everyone. But even she could not beat this disease forever, and when I was thirteen, she passed away peacefully with her family at her side.

I cannot express how devastating this was to me. It has taken me many years to begin to face those days from an adult’s perspective. The simple fact is, an experience like this damages a child in ways that are permanent and life-changing.

My mother loved the arts, and always encouraged me to draw and write as much as possible. Her enthusiasm and support made me want to become a writer, which brings me to where I stand today. Bloodstone, my first published novel, was released this week in paperback by Leisure Books. It is (I hope) a fun, scary read full of ghosts and demons and possession and old, long-buried family secrets. But there are also many references to cancer in the novel. I didn’t do this intentionally, but it crept in from my subconscious all the same. I guess it was also an exorcism of sorts for me.

The guidelines are as follows:

Flash fiction (no more than 700 words) told in the FIRST person (to allow readers to re-tell the story) set in a New England location. The anthology will be separated into 4 sections (tentative titles):

  • Haunts- Stories of ghosts, specters, and phantoms
  • Beasts- Stories of monsters, critters, and wild animals
  • Humans- Stories of eccentric people, serial killers, mad men
  • Other Oddities- everything else

Format: Submit as a Word .doc or .rtf attachment. SUBJECT LINE MUST SAY: “SUBMISSION–NORTH–TITLE”

Contact: via http://www.shroudmagazine.com/info.html

Multiple submissions allowed and encouraged.

No reprints

No simultaneous subs

Payment: (.01 cent a word or you can donate your stories)

I donated mine, a story right at the 700-word mark about a sailor, a werewolf, and what happens when you let your loins make the decisions. Who wants to join me?

Mar 27

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Christa: A tough decision

A few weeks ago I submitted my first novel, HURT, to a startup small publisher for consideration. This came after 90+ agent rejections, some of which provided the feedback that the agents didn’t feel they could sell the novel. I figured it was just the business, and maybe my chances were better with a small press.

Then I read this post by well-known crime fiction critic David J. Montgomery, and I realized I was that desperate writer he was talking about. I realized my novel wasn’t particularly original–well-written, yes, but not about anything or presented in any way new–and that, as he writes, I could actually harm my career (not to mention the small press’s reputation) by trying to get it published.

So I decided to shelve it and start over.

Remarkably, this doesn’t bother me that much. I think I’d grown tired of the novel, and I came to understand that I don’t want to spend a lot of time marketing something that I know is “just decent” but not great. I’d rather focus on my current WIPs, which I do think are more original, and better written too.

With that, though, I find myself once again back at square one: which project to pursue? HURT is a crime fiction novel, and I’d like to be known as a dark crime fiction author who occasionally forays into horror. So do I work on the next crime fiction project… or continue the horror novella? (I don’t have any particular momentum on the novella, so all projects are more or less equal in terms of desire.) What would you do?

Mar 20

3 Comments

Christa: Confession time

I’m going to admit to something that I haven’t wanted to admit to myself for a long time: the reason for my creative funk, all my questioning and browbeating, is at heart a temper tantrum. Why? Because I didn’t get my way.

By now, I was “supposed to” have landed an agent. I really was convinced that my writing was good enough. Even though I knew it was certainly possible that it wouldn’t happen within six months, I didn’t really think it wouldn’t. I believed at least that I would get requests for fulls and that those would tide me over.

I did get those requests, but early on, and nothing since about Thanksgiving. While I’m aware there are other options in publishing (I’m looking at small presses), I’ve still found myself wondering: what’s really in store for my career? Is this really what’s meant for my life?

I hope not. Because the thought of not being a novelist really, really depresses me.

But here’s the other thing, the other part of this confession. What I was hoping for was to be a wunderkind. I’m turning 33 in a month, and I really just wanted to be “discovered” and published before I turned 40. I wanted this because no one has ever thought much of me (at least until I met my husband). I was “nothing special” for many years. Two teachers loved my writing, but my parents didn’t love it and my peers didn’t get it. I have always wanted to “prove” myself, even though none of those people will ever be satisfied.

An author gave me some advice a few years back that I’ve kept, and now that I’m in this position, her words mean a lot more to me than they did then: “There’s been a lot of discussions of youth/writing recently. But you know what? There’s absolutely no percentage to being a wunderkind because, eventually, they’re going to take the kind away and you’re going to have to be a wunder on your own. And, at the risk of sounding very, very vain, I’m fairly confident that there’s not a 30-something on the planet who can write a wiser book than I can. Better, more beautiful? Sure. But there are things we learn as life goes on that makes writing richer with each decade. So think about the life as part of the writing, and don’t beat yourself up.”

What elicited her advice? My fear, even then, that I wouldn’t get anything done because of my kids.

In many ways I’m in a better position now than I was then. I have a number of short story credits in good, reputable markets; I’m helping to edit a magazine. So I can’t say I’m still stuck in a rut, and that’s good. Meanwhile, like I wrote to Bethany, fiction is an intrinsic part of my sense of balance. For my own sake and that of my family, I need to continue to pursue it. Even if it’s only a few sentences a day. And that “wunderkind” thing? Well, maybe that’s my personal bar that needs to be lowered.

Mar 4

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Christa: Is it worth it?

I started this as a comment, but then decided it was getting to be too lengthy and would be better off as an entry…

I’m feeling really bummed out about my fiction career right now. It seems like everyone and their brother is getting a book deal except me. I feel like the biggest loser. Even though I know the reality is harsh, and likely to get harsher with the economy the way it is (i.e. less likelihood of folks taking a risk on a new writer), it’s like this: finally having accepted that you will never be part of the “in crowd,” and that’s OK because they’re boring, you set your sights on the A/V Club instead. Except that even the A/V geeks won’t let you in, because you bring nothing–no new talent, no new insight–to them. How freaking depressing is that??

Part of the problem is the novel I’m shopping. It’s my first. I mean my first-first. It’s gone through many iterations and it’s finally at the point where I think it’s reasonably publishable. Was it a practice novel? Yes, oh yes. Should it be published? I don’t know anymore. Other writers tell me that I’m likely to find an agent who will believe in it and take it (even if it needs revisions) and try to sell it, but I have something like 80-90 rejections. Small potatoes? I don’t know. I do know that by now, I could try to sell better. If I did that, my other option with this first novel is to sell it to a zine that is taking novels that won’t get published, but that the author would like to see the light of day. (That really is in her guidelines!) I’m not sure if my novel fits that description. And I’m not sure I should have spent so much time and money already only to can it and move on to the next project (actually a sequel, but could work as a standalone).

I think it doesn’t help that I’ve completely lost momentum on the novella, and I haven’t written any short stories that are in any shape to send out to zines. I just don’t feel like anyone cares whether I write fiction. Probably no one does. So then why do it? Because I care? Why should I care? I have better things I could do with my time. Like learn how to play with my kids.

Oh well. I’m whining. But anyone else ever faced this?

Feb 28

5 Comments

Christa: Because I am a masochist

Thanks to flu, I’m not doing much writing this week. Working, because I still have deadlines but even more limited time because I am in bed by 8pm most nights, but not on fiction. So what did I do the other day? Of course – I sent out queries for my novel. Who wouldn’t, when snow and sickness and low energy has them so demoralized that they can’t possibly care about another round of rejections? Really, it’s the perfect time to query, don’t you think?

Feb 19

4 Comments

Christa: A mixed blessing

This week, Rain Dog is on school vacation at our house. School vacation, as for most families, is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, he’s available, so I should be able to get more work accomplished. On the other, he has his own expectations for his time.

In the past we’ve clashed, but by now I think we’ve learned how to work around each other. Still, I get about as much accomplished as I do during a typical week! The only difference is, I get out and about a bit more, which is actually preferable for me.

As for how it’s going this week: I’m still a little behind on my novella, but that’s as much because of the time I lost with the power outage as with the change in routine. I also had a few freelance projects come in at the last minute, and they all have “urgent” markers on them. Much as I’d like to ignore them and take my own little “vacation” (in which I write nothing but fiction), that would be irresponsible–and since I’m considering expanding my freelance business, I really need to be more responsive to this kind of work.

Meanwhile, I found an early draft of the short story that spawned the novella, which makes me happy because it contains a lot of backstory that I didn’t feel right about deleting. Now I realize that I must have had a sense about this story that I didn’t fully understand until now, and I’m so happy I listened to it!

I’ve been promised a day in which I can sit in a coffee shop and work in peace, so hopefully I’ll be able to bring together the various threads I’ve been contemplating and really pull the trigger on this story–and get back on track.

Feb 8

5 Comments

Christa: Committed

I did it: committed to one project. I’ll be working on one of my novellas for the next six weeks.

How did this come about? Well, it’s a little convoluted. This year, with Rain Dog and I considering not only the possibility of moving, but also of him partnering with me in an expanded freelance business, I decided that I needed to clear my mind and heart. I wanted to be open to opportunity. I wanted to participate in Lent.

Yes, I’m Catholic. I’m not terribly religious, but I do believe in God, and I do believe he has a purpose for my life. No prayer I have ever prayed has gone unanswered – even if it was not the answer I would have liked at the time – and no matter where I thought my life was headed, it has always ended up better than I could have imagined.

But these past few months, I’ve been stuck in a rut. Stressed out because of money and my job and my kids and where I live, I’d been overeating and unsure of where to focus my energies. I made New Year’s resolutions, but broke them. I was quickly turning into a mess. And when we started to talk about moving, it added just another layer of stress.

Lent is early this year, but I’m grateful for that – I have an opportunity now to clean myself up. And the first few days have been fantastic. I’ve been doing daily devotionals (which I never do), avoiding my trigger foods in favor of good high-protein foods, and seeking better balance between work and kids.

And you know, somehow, it’s been working. I even feel totally calm about the moving process. I need to figure out a business plan for Rain Dog and me, and we need to get the house in order, but I’m confident that I’ll be able to do it. Step by step. I think this really will be the year we move, and I want to be sure I’m getting it right. Not perfect, but right.

As for that novella, I didn’t exactly pick it on my own. It picked me. I suddenly felt like it was the project I should be focusing on, and I’ve been working steadily on it. My hope is to finish it, or be close to finishing, sometime in the next six weeks – before or just after Easter. Then I guess we’ll see what comes of it.

Feb 4

6 Comments

Christa: A flooded engine

After a full week of directing all my creative energy toward work for other people, I finally reached a point where I feel comfortable starting to work on fiction again (you know, without feeling like I’m wasting time).

Too bad it’s such a struggle to get started.

I have on my plate:

  • a novel, sequel to the one I’m currently shopping.
  • a project that started as a short story, but which, once I finished it, asserted itself as a longer project. Hopefully a novella only.
  • a novella.
  • half a dozen short stories, two of which are maddeningly close to completion, if I could only figure out what to do with them.

All whirl around my brain like a solar system in print, making it impossible to pick just one. In short, if life is the fuel my creativity needs to run, then this past week (month?) has flooded my engine.

Anyone got a spark?

Jan 29

1 Comment

Christa: Support a fellow writer

I am in over my head with work this week, but wanted to take a few moments to copy an important entry from my personal blog. Read on:

Today, January 29th, is the release date for the trade paperback edition of Patry Francis‘ debut novel The Liar’s Diary. What makes this release different? Unlike most authors, Patry doesn’t have the time, energy, or probably the money to market it herself. That’s because she’s undergoing treatment for an aggressive form cancer.

If I were dealing with this, I’d want my friends and acquaintances in the crime fiction community to come together for me too. Book promotion is hard enough as it is. To work so hard on a novel, to be trying to make a career in a business that’s increasingly stacked against us, and then to have book sales jeopardized by something completely out of one’s control…. So, even though I don’t know Patry personally, I’d like to join 300+ other blogging writers to ask my readers to check out her book. It looks like a good one, going by the Publisher’s Weekly review –

A case study in the explosive effects of extreme denial, Francis’s debut relies completely on its very unreliable narrator, with mixed results.

– as well as the publisher’s promotion:

A chilling tour of troubled minds, THE LIAR’S DIARY questions just how far you’ll go for your family and what dark truths you’d be willing to admit—even to yourself.

Also, watch The Liar’s Diary book trailer here.

Good luck Patry!

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