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Carmen: Taking the Plunge

PhotobucketIn October, I received an email from Miranda requesting a  “Breakfast with Carmen” interview and I was super excited. I had never had anyone request an interview with me before. I think I was giddy all day at the thought of someone being genuinely interested in learning more about me. What I didn’t know, was that the Universe was trying to tell me something. This interview was my first hint. Sometimes I need to be smacked over the head and handed a sign in order to see things for how they really are.

About a month after the interview, the night before my 32nd birthday, I sat down and wrote my intentions for the coming year. One of my intentions is to write more. I journal a great deal, but I’m not always brave enough to actually share my innermost thoughts, hopes and dreams.

Putting my raw emotions out there always makes me feel extremely vulnerable and for the few seconds before I sit the “submit” button, the butterflies start going berserk and the fear sets in and my thoughts shift to questions of…  What if they make fun of me? What if that sounds crazy? What if I’m the only one that feels that way? and when I’m strong enough, I take a deep breath and surrender. I let go of the fear for that split second to click submit. Then comes relief and then doubt follows.

On the rare occasion that I open myself up and share, I always get the most amazing feedback and encouragement from other bloggers and I feel validated somehow. I’m learning to embrace this vulnerability and sit with it. Each time I go through this process, I grow and I feel the Universe winking at me, like she knew all along that I had it in me.

It occurred to me about a month ago that this community is the perfect place to begin my writing and so I got in touch with Miranda and within minutes, I was all set as a contributor. Then I froze. Fear set in. The questions came… What if they make fun of me? What if that sounds crazy? What if I’m the only one that feels that way? and eventually it all come down to shame and the dreaded question… What if I’m not good enough?

I think that I was onto something in one of my brave moments when I wrote, “I suppose the only way to find out is to “do” while continuing to dream. I suppose I don’t have to know how, I just have to start.”

So this is my beginning at Creative Construction. I could have started this journey sooner, when the Universal hints started coming my way, but I won’t “should” on myself. For all I know the timing could be absolutely perfect! I will be back soon writing from my heart.

Go easy on me and I will attempt to go easy on myself in the process.



7 Comments Post a comment
  1. cathy #

    carmen, i for one am so glad you joined us! and it’s perfect timing with our february finish-a-thon! i’ve enjoyed period check-ins on your blog and love your art. how about taking something from your journaling and turn it into a short story or whatever seems to fit? you could use the feb-fin for making a writing project come to life, or pump out some more art! but i’m glad you’re with us in our little blogville.

    February 2, 2009
  2. Liz #

    Welcome, Carmen!

    February 2, 2009
  3. It’s so interesting how self-doubt can plague even the most creative among us. Carmen, I always find your blog to be a source of inspiration and peace — you seem to live very “authentically” and I never would have imagined that YOU would struggle with the anxiety that you describe above. Thank you for being so honest.

    It’s wonderful to have you here.

    Group hug!!

    February 2, 2009
  4. Thanks Ladies. ♥

    February 2, 2009
  5. Kristine #

    Welcome, Carmen!

    Joining CC a few months ago was the best decision I’ve made for my writing and for myself in a long time. I’m so glad you decided to take the plunge and join. I can’t wait to chat with you and read future posts.

    February 2, 2009
  6. yeah, carmen! I’m so glad you finally joined us! you will find that this group is incredibly warm and supportive. They are truly a blessing to me. 🙂

    February 2, 2009
  7. georgiageis #

    Carmen, I know exactly how you feel about self-doubt. It is great to find a group of such talented people.

    February 3, 2009

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