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Bethany: I’ve been around

Really. I’m not dead. I’ve spent a night out drinking more glasses of wine than I have consumed in one year and I’m still paying for it. I’ve spent more hours in a car than one should in a given week. I’ve gained more responsibility at work that I care to even think about. And I’m considering weaning the Peanut sooner rather than later. I haven’t lost a single pound (maybe gained a few). And I bought a new shirt at Old Navy because I just wanted a new one.

Now that I got all that out of the way, I can give you the real scoop. The crap that I’ve been avoiding. I’m tired and still overwhelmed. That revelation no surprise to you? Me either. But I do know that the fact that I am not writing (and apparently drinking) is in direct correlation to the amount of tired and overwhelmed I am feeling. And it is a vicious cycle. For anyone that has tried to do something outside your comfort zone and takes a TON OF TIME… well you know you have to be dedicated. You have to love it. And, by God, you have to make room for it in your life. And as of tonight, I haven’t written a word in my novel in over 2 months. Maybe 3 if I am truthful about it. And it is killing me. Slowly. Softly. And hell, I cried a few tears over it last night at the bar (damn it! A crying drunk!).

But that embarrassment proves one thing. It really is bothering me that I am not writing. And I need to do something about it. Anything. So that I am not a blubbering idiot next time the Hubby and I decide to pay a sitter and go out (and have the Wine Flights at the local pub). Seriously people. By how much more did my geek factor climb because I was weeping over not writing at a bar? A BAR! [shaking my head] No need to tell me, I know how it sounds. And, regretfully, I know how it looks. Thank God my husband is also one who believes in dreams. And gets me. So, he just bought me a shot, gave me a hug, and told me he loved me. Then, as quick as I took that shot, I told him we needed to go home before I got sick.

So, today, after a bottle of ibuprofen and a long afternoon nap with the baby to rid myself of a hangover, I’m writing. Not the book (hell, that’s too much effort. I’m still recovering!). But at least a blog post. And a book review. I’m dusting off the virtual files for the book. So tomorrow, I can make grand plans. And write. I hope. But, let’s not let the doubt creep in. That just makes for more pressure. And right now, my head has all the pressure it can take (hangovers are a bitch).

[Cross-posted from Mommy Writer Blog. Thanks, Bethany!]

5 Comments Post a comment
  1. Cathy #

    i love it, we’ve all been there, and if i weren’t nursing, i’d be crying into wine about now, too, mostly from sleep dep, but then wouldn’t that be more like passing out in glass of wine. oh yeah, sleep dep is from nursing, ok, i’ll skip the wine, but i still want to cry, i’m sooo tired!

    take the writing one day at a time…no other reference meant (wine)! ihadn’t been writing for ages before i regularly was here. now that i’m a junkie, i am writing regularly. and i feel lke old man winter in that old xmas special…’put …one…foot…in…front…of….the…other….’

    September 16, 2008
  2. So funny–about 5 minutes before this post was scheduled to go live, Cathy e-mails me: “Hey, I just saw this post on Bethany’s blog that would be perfect for Creative Construction…” What can I say? Great minds really do think alike.

    I look forward to hearing how Bethany’s writing stint worked out — or didn’t work out. For many of us, the difficulty is not in the intention but in the materialization. Bethany? If you made it happen, please share your special sauce!

    September 16, 2008
  3. Charlotte #

    Bethany, thanks for posting this, especially the bit about taking a ton of time. Because I don’t have children I wasn’t sure if it was quite right or fair for me to join you all on here; obviously most of you have much more concrete obstacles to your creative activities than I do (unless you count having to do enough ill-paid money-work to pay London prices, that is). However, I can totally relate to avoiding the important stuff (writing) because it feels too hard – for whatever reason – to find the time to do it, even we KNOW that avoiding it only makes us more tired or unhappy.

    So having failed spectacularly yesterday, I will take your inspiration into the day and resolve to write for at least an hour. In a cafe, perhaps. Somewhere well away from internet access.

    Off now to post a poem and cycle into town. Another thing that makes me feel “oh noooo” when I wake up and much better once I’ve done it.

    September 17, 2008
  4. great post, bethany. i can completely relate to the part about being given more and more responsibility at work (with no pay, of course) and the feeling tired and overwhelmed part. and ya know what, i think that sometimes it’s perfectly okay to drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine, just as long as you have someone to safely get you home and can handle the hangover the next morning! 🙂 good luck to you getting back into it all. i’m in awe of all of you guys writing novels.

    September 17, 2008

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