Jenn: I wish I could answer that, Christa
I am feeling a similar funk. I’ve submitted 5 chapters to my editor today, and now I’m tired. I don’t think it’s worth it, but what do you do when you’re too far into it to stop, as you and I are? With partially complete or in your case, fully complete pieces of work?
This is my Spring Break. I should be on vacation. I should have taken my daughter to Iceland. To somewhere, ANYWHERE. Instead, she’s in daycare as usual (rationalization: it’s good to keep her on her schedule), and I’ve spent half of my break sitting at my kitchen table, expending about 100 calories per day, no exercise, horrible eating habits, ignoring everything, and writing. Mabe it’s too much of a good thing? This is what I planned to do for Spring Break, so why do I feel like a loser, misfit, failure of a mom?
I think it will help when the editor gives me some feedback, which she hasn’t yet. I keep e-mailing chapters in and waiting. I have four more nearly done, and two more I’d LIKE to get finished by the time Friday rolls around, and one I’d like to look over and research because it’s my lecture for Tuesday, and getting that in great shape beforehand will make my life easier afterwards. But I am PROMISING myself to spend the weekend with my daughter, doing NOTHING and everything, and relaxing for at least two out of ten days.
I suppose I should also realize that this is a finite project. If I reach my goal and turn in 11 chapters, that means only 9 more to go by the time summer rolls around. And SO WHAT if I lag behind. My editor wanted the book written within a year (staring in February), so why do I have myself on this kill-yourself schedule? Probably because I’m deathly afraid I’ll run out of steam and walk away.
Which wouldn’t be a bad idea. How many books on natural disasters does the world need? There are four perfectly good texts out there. Why am I doing this? Are we having fun yet?
Studio Mothers: Life & Art 
Hugs!! The calorie thing is a major problem for me, too. Not so much because of the writing but because of the weather. I keep wishing my younger boy were even just a year older. Then I could take them both outside to play in the snow!
Also – I think feedback really will help provide you with a sense of direction. I don’t have that. I was really hoping to have landed an agent by now, and I feel weird sending a whole novel to my readers, all of whom have their own very busy lives. My one source of feedback just moved house, and his wife is due with their second child any day now!! So I really can’t bug him, either.
Maybe this is some weird karmic lesson in patience. If that’s the case, it’s got to realize I’m about that far away from quitting, even though I know it would be TERRIBLE for me (I’m already dealing with the effects of not “venting my spleen” through fiction). What is my problem?
Anyway, some part of you must believe that you can add something to the existing body of work, right? Otherwise your intuition would not have led you in this direction? Or are you feeling like yours is as faulty as I feel mine is? 😛
SO yeah, I remember that feeling. Submitting work to an agent or editor (oh wait! I am still doing that!)… and hearing nothing. And waiting. And then waiting some more.
I’ve always been a deadline girl. Put me on a real deadline and my creativity pours out my ears. But if it is me setting goals, or my husband, or my mother… ha! I can’t write a thing. Or I can write–but not nearly as much or as well as when I have a little push from someone “in the know” (or a boss like figure).
So, here’s what I say. Give yourself a little space to have fun with your kiddo. Hell, I said during my maternity leave I’d write an ENTIRE book. I wrote a total of 3 words. And I beat myself up until about the last week. Wasn’t worth the guilt. And I don’t think it will be worth it for you either… let yourself break the cycle for a bit, have some fun, and well.. come back later. You’ll feel refreshed!
I hope you both, Christa and Bethany, will see this reply to your reply? I’m not sure how the whole thing works.
But I want to thank you both tremendously for your input and feedback and support. Your words mean a great deal, and make me feel not so alone. I think that’s a big problem as well – I’m doing this all in a vacuum with no feeback or support.
I like your (Christa) comment about a cosmic lesson in patience. I’ve been oddly and uncharacteristically patient about this, probably because I burned myself out writing, and I know that as soon as I start getting feedback and as soon as my one contributor starts sending me her VERY LATE stuff, it will mean more work. And so I’m actually enjoying the silence a little.
On the one hand, I’m so proud that I’ve accomplished more than my goal and have submitted ten chapters out of 20 already, with three more to be delivered this weekend. But on the other hand, I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m CHURNING OUT A MASSIVE LOAD OF HORSE FECES and that my editor, when she gets back to me will say, “uhhh… no thanks.” And I’ll be left with a nearly done book, no publisher, and I’ll be bitterly standing over the photocopy machine forcing my students to use a giant, stapled together mess of a book so that I can visit my misery on them. Ah ha ha ha. What a way to teach!
I spent the better part of this past week beating myself up over an 800-word article for which I had “failed” to get an additional source my editor wanted. Mainly I was anxious because it’s a new publication and I don’t have a relationship with the staff yet. And… my son was sick. I ended up sending the article on its due date sans source, absolutely convinced the editor would hate it and never want me to work for him again.
What happened was that he really liked it. He still wanted the additional source, just for balance – but gave me another week to find one. So Monday I will be all about the phone calls.
Bottom line, I need to do more work, but only a little, and I now know that the article is solid and the editor likes my work. So that does help a lot.
Do you have any way to ask your editor for feedback? Just to make sure you’re on the right track? And even if this one doesn’t like it… would you be able to sell the book elsewhere? I like to think in terms of the “when a door closes, a window opens” idea, even when I don’t fully trust it myself. 😛 🙂
YAY!!! Great for you! Congratulations. I looked at your site, by the way. What lovely flowers your friend sent you.
I tried to insidiously solicit feedback from my editor by asking her about the possibility for an early proto-book of sorts, published by them, and I would use it in my summer class as a test run and to iron out the kinks. That was yesterday, Friday, so I’m sure she won’t write back for a few days.
I don’t have the time or desire to shop the book out elswhere, I swear I’ll just go to Gnomon copy and make them buy it as a class-pack for cost. I didn’t even MEAN to write this crappy book! They ASKED me to, and I said NO. But then Miranda told me about this site, and the thought of writing about writing was too irresistible. Maybe the book is just a sham so that I can pretend to be as cool as all of you are?
Hey Jenn, what’s the latest? Feedback from your editor?