Christa: Goals, with anxiety to taste
I have a lot going on as the new year begins. I recently agreed to sign on as assistant editor of a brand-new horror magazine. I’ll be blogging at least twice a week for a startup regional parenting site… and perhaps contributing articles to its companion print magazine. I have existing clients with ongoing work. I have a personal blog that I try to write for at least once a week.
All this would probably be manageable if I didn’t also have a fledgling fiction career. At any given moment, I cannot figure out whether to work on my next novel, any one of half a dozen short stories (one of which is shaping up to be a long ‘un, maybe even a novella).
And then there are the boys.
I complained to my husband that I haven’t done any real writing since the baby started to walk. And now I have all this stuff going on. How to manage it all?
I’m open to suggestion. In the past, I’ve done freelance work by day and fiction by night, but that was when I had regular childcare and no baby. (Even at that, I could see childcare a.k.a. Grandma overwhelmed by both boys at once!) I’m thinking a different, more structured schedule is in order.
Hamlet has preschool three mornings a week. This should be my alone time with Puck, but without both boys competing for attention… it’s so tempting to work at least part of the time, perhaps a blog entry. Late afternoons, when the kids are bored and tired and need downtime, may work: I could pop in a video. But what of the never-easy-to-predict high-maintenance days, when both boys demand almost constant interaction? That I’ll just have to play by ear, like always.
And where does that leave fiction? Well, there’s the tricky part. Ideally I would devote 30 minutes per day to fiction, plus several hours on Saturday morning. This is easy when I’m in a groove, in the middle of a scene or story where I know what’s going to happen next. It’s not so easy, though, when I’m stalled–with more questions and doubts than ideas, and too many distractions to focus in such a short span of time. Not to mention competing freelance work.
So that one, again, I’ll have to play by ear. Most of all, I hope for balance. I’m never happy when I’m doing too much of either writing or mothering, but my sons are extroverts – they need interaction, and the “companionable silences” I treasure, working on something while they play nearby, may not be enough for them.
So, my challenge for the week: a schedule of some kind. Maybe even a week-to-week one. As for work, I need to complete one article edit and page proofs for the new magazine going out, and I need to catch up with some projects I’m managing for a client. Over the longer term (this month), I have another article edit and two articles to write. I’ll be busy… will I manage? Stay tuned!
Studio Mothers: Life & Art 
Christa, you have your hands full. A couple of ideas. The first is for your fiction routine. When you feel stalled, you might try working on something else instead–a story, instead of your novel, or vice versa. Forcing yourself to output on a specific creative project, especially when it’s a novel, can be too much pressure when the juices aren’t flowing. You might find that working on something else in the fiction arena for thirty minutes (or more) helps to resolve your block, since your brain will still be working out the first issue in the background. That way, if you’ve set aside some weekend time for your fiction, you won’t feel like it’s a loss just because you feel stalled. You’ll have something to show for your time, and will probably be ready to tackle the other project during your next session.
If it were me at home with Puck, I would definitely set aside an hour of that time to work, assuming Puck is amenable. Maybe if you build it into the routine at the same time on every preschool day, he won’t object. Don’t feel guilty–he’ll still be getting some alone time with Mommy, and you’ll feel happier about it because you will have spent some time writing first.
It’s awfully difficult to commit to a “quota” when you don’t have real childcare. You are so good at taking advantage of any opportunity that arises, however. I bet that if you decide each morning what you want to get done that day, and try to get it done as early as possible, you’ll get most of it done. Between that and trying to get the kids into as much of a routine as possible, so that they can anticipate when Mom is available, the better (yeah, right!), perhaps you can cover all of the many bases…?
And don’t forget to eat as well as you can, sleep, and get a bit of exercise, so that you have the stamina to keep moving at such a demanding pace!
Miranda, you’re right about the fiction. I have too many projects to begin with – started out writing down many ideas, which is great for “on the fly” drafting, but now that I’m ready to set them down into something more structured? No. I think that’s contributing to the sense of being stalled, and so what I need to do is commit to one project and save the rest for when I’m truly stalled….
I confess to being somewhat “covert” about my intentions. My fear is that if I tell the kids upfront that I need to do something, they’ll actively compete for my attention. It’s hard because Hamlet understands “when I’m done we’ll do something” but the baby doesn’t. Then he gets cranky and I go pick him up, and suddenly Hamlet’s seeing a double standard that works against him.
Also trouble: the baby won’t nap by himself, so that really cuts into any alone time I might otherwise get with Hamlet….
I know, I create problems for myself. That’s partly why I’m here – to get help solving them! Miranda, I do like your idea of creating enough routine that they can anticipate. We’ve followed a loose routine for years but that may just not be enough anymore.
You know…I might be tempted to forget about getting anything done during the day at all–and then if it happens, it’s a windfall! You’ve probably tried getting up two hours before everyone else does–does that ever work? If I were in your shoes, I think I’d have to commit to the early-morning stint, or else the post-bedtime grind–although that can be really hard when you’re exhausted and/or you want to see your hubby.
I think your project focus is right; have one main thing you’re working on, and save project B for when you’re really banging your head against the wall. I do find that there are times when I just can’t wrap my mind around project A, but if I take a short break with something else, the work I bring to project A is even better. Whatever works, so long as you aren’t beating yourself up!
I think you might be right about accomplishing things during the day. Maybe that’s instead the time to come on and read blogs, comment, etc. rather than trying to get any real work done – I can do it when I feel overwhelmed by constant interaction, and it doesn’t require much brainpower.
I stay up late rather than getting up early. I’ve never been much of a morning person although I’ve done that in the past. It has to do with how my boys sleep. Right now we all co-sleep and I think if I got up, they’d get up right along with me (especially the baby, who sometimes doesn’t want to wait till even 7am)!
Another thing I tried tonight was to eat dinner at 5pm – then work on some fiction from 5:30-6. This actually worked great because my boys (all 3 of them!) were occupied with Animal Planet in the other room, and I finished a short-story scene I’d been wrestling with. How much more fulfilled did I feel! Fiction writing really is key to my satisfaction level so I think I’m going to try to do as much of that as possible.
Hubster goes to bed somewhat early most nights. Tonight, in fact, he fell asleep at 9 – poor guy was awake at 4:30 this morning to shovel! So I was able to work much of the night. This conversation definitely helped!
I just remember trying to write when I had two little ones, or trying to do anything for myself for that matter. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The time will come more readily when they are a little older.
Your 5:30 to 6 period sounds wonderful, when the children genuinely didn’t need you for anything. I think that tug between a child’s cry and the cry of your own work is tough to deal with. What wonderful use you made of your short period of time! For many (myself included) that half hour would have been spent just getting ready to write. If you can stay that productive with the time you can find, wow, you are in really great shape!
Sounds like you are making some headway working a schedule out for yourself, Christa. May those spare moments continue to pop up for you!
Looks like you’ve found a great community of people with good ideas. I think that the most important thing you can do is choose to prioritize the things that matter to you. You can always find time to do the laundry or wash the dishes. Why not put your writing first and let those things slide a bit? Schedule time for yourself and your work.