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Posts tagged ‘work’

Jan 16

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Miranda: Help! Something awful is happening

helpneeded.jpgOK, so I’m gaining momentum. A lot of momentum. My 150 pages of material are really turning into something viable. The first few chapters are readable drafts. I’m networking like mad, developing my third wave of interviewees, with success. I’m reading books that are feeding my writing. I’m revising a short story I wrote last year to submit in the Iowa contest. Even this blog is gaining traction–yesterday was our best traffic day yet with 62 page views. (Not bad for a blog that’s just over two weeks old.)

But here’s the thing. The more involved I am in my creative life, and the more sure-footed my efforts become, the more resentful I am of my day job. (I mentioned in a comment to Lisa’s post below that I’m prone to resentment, an unattractive trait.) I know, boo hoo–I have to work, like most everyone else–and I’m one of the lucky ones; I run my own business, don’t work full-time, and I set my own hours working mainly from home. Plus, my work is tangentially related to my creative life, and I make good money at what I do. I really have nothing to complain about. Most importantly, not working is not an option, so I need to make the best of it.

But there it is, every day I wake up and start getting grumpy about the fact that I have to work, doing things that are useful and appreciated by my clients, but aren’t my life’s calling. I dread working. True, at the moment I’m dealing with some unusually unrewarding client work, which is pretty stressful. But obsessing about not wanting to work, and focusing on the current unpleasantness, is tainting the creative time that I do have. My resentment is putting me in a funk, when instead I should be grateful for my flexible work situation, focused on my progress, and excited about where things are headed. Not sure how to snap out of it. I don’t have much time left if I’m going to finish this book before May, and I can’t fritter away my energy in negativity like this. Plus, I’m likely to start resenting my family next. (Especially since they’re all sick at the moment.)

Has anyone else dealt with this before? Maybe someone should just smack me and tell me to get a grip and toss the tiara. Suggestions heartily appreciated.

Jan 6

6 Comments

Christa: The week behind, the week ahead

I shouldn’t have worried so much last week. The loose schedule Miranda suggested – kids by day, work at night – worked very well to boost my productivity. What had been happening was that I would get so anxious about all the stuff I had to get done that I would try to do it during the day. Then the kids would need me and I would be short with them. At night, still anxious, I would goof off. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Deciding that daytime would be for the kids, while night would be for work, was surprisingly effective. I still work a little during the day – I’m pathologically introverted, and I just can’t be “on” every moment, so I need little breaks to come on the computer – but I now decide what work I need to accomplish in the evening, and then I do it. I actually completed things pretty much on time!

The one thing I found tricky was that half-hour of fiction time in the evenings. Depending on how the day has gone with the kids, they might settle in nicely with Daddy… or not. One evening when I had more like 45 minutes, I chose to do the dishes with that time. I can’t figure out why, as it was a conscious choice between that and writing. I think part of it was that I wanted to drown the noise out for a little while, plus I didn’t feel like facing dishes the next morning. But really what I should have done was go upstairs and hide in my bedroom.

Still – I can’t help feeling guilty about that. Rain Dog has had a long day at work too, and when he’s not up for wrangling both kids by himself, I feel like I should be helping… even when I’m drained and out of kid ideas, too.

This week will see me continue to tweak that particular part of the daily routine. I got some great time on Saturday to finish one chapter in the new novel and start another. Those characters are coming together and I really want to spend more time with them. Additionally, I have a couple of short stories I want to finish and start submitting. We’ll see how that all goes.

As for freelance work, I have to finish page proofs for Shroud (they’re done; I just have to type them in). I need to get cracking on an article I’m writing that’s due February 1, along with an editing job and another project due the same day (all for the same magazine). So it will be a busy week, but I’m confident now that I can accomplish plenty.

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