Christa: Is it worth it?
I started this as a comment, but then decided it was getting to be too lengthy and would be better off as an entry…
I’m feeling really bummed out about my fiction career right now. It seems like everyone and their brother is getting a book deal except me. I feel like the biggest loser. Even though I know the reality is harsh, and likely to get harsher with the economy the way it is (i.e. less likelihood of folks taking a risk on a new writer), it’s like this: finally having accepted that you will never be part of the “in crowd,” and that’s OK because they’re boring, you set your sights on the A/V Club instead. Except that even the A/V geeks won’t let you in, because you bring nothing–no new talent, no new insight–to them. How freaking depressing is that??
Part of the problem is the novel I’m shopping. It’s my first. I mean my first-first. It’s gone through many iterations and it’s finally at the point where I think it’s reasonably publishable. Was it a practice novel? Yes, oh yes. Should it be published? I don’t know anymore. Other writers tell me that I’m likely to find an agent who will believe in it and take it (even if it needs revisions) and try to sell it, but I have something like 80-90 rejections. Small potatoes? I don’t know. I do know that by now, I could try to sell better. If I did that, my other option with this first novel is to sell it to a zine that is taking novels that won’t get published, but that the author would like to see the light of day. (That really is in her guidelines!) I’m not sure if my novel fits that description. And I’m not sure I should have spent so much time and money already only to can it and move on to the next project (actually a sequel, but could work as a standalone).
I think it doesn’t help that I’ve completely lost momentum on the novella, and I haven’t written any short stories that are in any shape to send out to zines. I just don’t feel like anyone cares whether I write fiction. Probably no one does. So then why do it? Because I care? Why should I care? I have better things I could do with my time. Like learn how to play with my kids.
Oh well. I’m whining. But anyone else ever faced this?
Studio Mothers: Life & Art 
Christa–as Brittany states unequivocally, yes, it’s worth it. You’re in an unpleasant spot right now, but it might help to keep in mind that these lows are a nearly inevitable part of the process. Sure, there are one-in-a-million exceptions: girl writes book, first agent queried stays up all night reading book, agent signs book the next day, within a week agent has a bidding war going among five major publishing houses, and this first-time novelist earns a six-figure advance. What fiction writer doesn’t occasionally wander into that fantasy?
But–as we all know, and as Brittany illustrates in her post–there are many other paths to success. Perhaps you won’t sell this first book until you’ve sold your second. If your second is more salable for whatever reason, that may be the book that opens doors for you, and paves the way for your first book to make it into print.
Many people DO care if you write fiction. I’ve read your personal blog enough to know that you have fans out there. You’re part of a community. Try to grit your teeth and make it through this dark stretch. It won’t last forever–that’s the only thing you can really count on.
You ARE a writer, and you can’t stop writing. It’s what you know, and you’ve had enough success to show that you’re not kidding yourself. Try and trust the process, even though this part doesn’t feel very good.
Spring is coming, and your spirits will inevitably warm up as the weather breaks. Will be sending good vibes your way in the meantime!
Thank you so much, Miranda. I know you ladies are both right. You hit it on the head about trusting the process. I am not good at that in any area of my life. I’m a big-picture person. I even outline my novels (hate that feeling of writing myself into a corner). I like to have at least a general idea of where I’m going–moving south is another big question like this–and I hate having things up in the air. (Edited to add: I’m not just spoiled. I feel truly and deeply unsettled, just “wrong,” until a decision is made, or I’m heading towards making one.) Thing is, I read enough author blogs to know that any writing career will ALWAYS be up in the air. Guess I’d just better get used to it.
And, yes to spring too. I do feel a lot better today, and I don’t think the bright sunshine makes it just a coincidence. What else to do? Back to querying! š (Followed by play in the snow with the boys, I think!)
So don’t hate me for saying this… as tough and crummy as you feel, try a new book. Sure, keep querying your old one, but write another. Or find and idea that makes your heart pitter patter and your fingers itch to get to the keyboard (I know, easier said than done).
I say this mostly because… well this industry is so damn slow. God-awful slow. So, if you write another book you are just as proud of, well, then you can go out there with that one too. And if one gets picked up by an agent, well you have another right there waiting.
I know this advice sucks. Really I do. I had an agent for 2 years try to sell my first book. It didn’t sell. When I showed her my 2nd book she decided she needed to trim down her list. And I was one writer that was let go. And well, my motivation has been low ever since. BUT, she did tell me to keep writing. Write more. A lot more. And she’d help me find another agent. And said that the more books you have in the waiting, well the more enticing you are. Not to mention, you won’t have to write on deadline for a while. Ha!
That’s not bad advice. It really isn’t, so don’t beat yourself up. š Remember back a few weeks when I was so conflicted over which project to commit to? That was why – recognizing that I needed to commit to a new one, but unsure of which it should be. If I’m going to spend valuable time working on a long-term project, it has to be the right one, KWIM?
I think it will definitely help if I can get out of the house for a few hours and focus on my work. I’ve been break-less for weeks and weeks and weeks, dealing with deadlines and illness… too many disruptions. It’s easier to get back into a daily writing groove when I can get a day. I wish I could get away from the sense that it is so inconvenient to everyone, though!