Skip to content

Archive for

Jan 16

5 Comments

Jenn: It’s happening to me too, Miranda!

What a timely post, Miranda. I was going to comment on yours, but I’ll save time and combine what I would comment to you, and what I was about to post myself. I am clueless about blogs and blog etiquitte, so I hope this isn’t bad manners.

I’m also on schedule and cranking like crazy with my book. I’ve just finished Chapter 3, and have written the Foreword (ROUGH), and developed and started listing sidebar/interest box topics for each chapter. I’ve signed the contract, gotten the three students into a good flow, and I anticipate turning in half the book by the end of spring break!

But at what price?

I got up at my usual 4:45 AM, made tea, and started writing. Usually I would be done by the time my daughter wakes up, and we would have a nice breakfast and morning together, then she’d go to daycare and I’d go to school to spend the day in classes or prepping for classes. Not so today. This chapter was LONG and HIGHLY TECHNICAL, and my daughter got up very early. She wanted to watch TV. Okay, I usually let her watch a video while I shower, but I was running to work today, so no need for a shower. She watched one video. Then another. Then she came over to hold my hand and physically pull me from my chair. I realized it was nearly time to go, we were both in our pajamas, I hadn’t packed either of us a lunch, and my bag wasn’t packed, either. And the worst of it was that I’d spent exactly NO time with the poor dear.

So then at school, I couldn’t manage to stifle the urge to keep working on the chapter. I now have 1 1/2 hours left before picking up my daughter. Today I was suppose to write/figure out two long lectures, grade all the hydrogeology labs so the students can have their lab manuals back to prep for the next lab, grade hydro homeworks, map out the logistics of TWO major field trips, one for Eating & the Environment, one for Hydrogeology, write a supplementary lecture for Natural Disasters because the 300-student field trip I planned for Tuesday was thwarted by a foot of snow (it’s kind of hard to go looking at rock gardens and curb cuts under such conditions), write the strategic plan for the program I direct (due yesterday), write an exam for class, and sketch out what I’ll do next week. How many of these tasks have I accomplished? NONE of them.

So like you, I am right on schedule with the book. And like you, the rest of my life has momentarily spun out of control. I guess that’s what this blog is for; to keep us delivering the goods we publicly said we’d deliver, but also to remind us that it is *NOT* okay to let our kids watch 45.5 hours of videos a day, and to come to work an unwashed mess in the name of meeting deadlines. I am thrilled with my progress, but ashamed of my behavior today. I also scowled at anyone who came into my office to distract me, including my Chairman, our secretary (not supposed to be called that these days), and every student. This is my JOB – to serve students. These were technically my OFFICE HOURS.

I don’t think I’ve experienced simultaneous feelings of “I AM AWESOME!” and “I AM THE BIGGEST F-ING LOSER ALIVE” at the same time and so intensely as I do right now.

Off to salvage the last 1 hour of my precious day.

Jan 16

6 Comments

Miranda: Help! Something awful is happening

helpneeded.jpgOK, so I’m gaining momentum. A lot of momentum. My 150 pages of material are really turning into something viable. The first few chapters are readable drafts. I’m networking like mad, developing my third wave of interviewees, with success. I’m reading books that are feeding my writing. I’m revising a short story I wrote last year to submit in the Iowa contest. Even this blog is gaining traction–yesterday was our best traffic day yet with 62 page views. (Not bad for a blog that’s just over two weeks old.)

But here’s the thing. The more involved I am in my creative life, and the more sure-footed my efforts become, the more resentful I am of my day job. (I mentioned in a comment to Lisa’s post below that I’m prone to resentment, an unattractive trait.) I know, boo hoo–I have to work, like most everyone else–and I’m one of the lucky ones; I run my own business, don’t work full-time, and I set my own hours working mainly from home. Plus, my work is tangentially related to my creative life, and I make good money at what I do. I really have nothing to complain about. Most importantly, not working is not an option, so I need to make the best of it.

But there it is, every day I wake up and start getting grumpy about the fact that I have to work, doing things that are useful and appreciated by my clients, but aren’t my life’s calling. I dread working. True, at the moment I’m dealing with some unusually unrewarding client work, which is pretty stressful. But obsessing about not wanting to work, and focusing on the current unpleasantness, is tainting the creative time that I do have. My resentment is putting me in a funk, when instead I should be grateful for my flexible work situation, focused on my progress, and excited about where things are headed. Not sure how to snap out of it. I don’t have much time left if I’m going to finish this book before May, and I can’t fritter away my energy in negativity like this. Plus, I’m likely to start resenting my family next. (Especially since they’re all sick at the moment.)

Has anyone else dealt with this before? Maybe someone should just smack me and tell me to get a grip and toss the tiara. Suggestions heartily appreciated.