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Cathy: To see, perchance to dream…

My son S was the only person in the house without glasses, minus the baby, cat, and dog, of course. They must be counted, they are family after all. But with four of us two-footers walking around as four-eyes, he was feeling left out. For years now, this has been a fairly regular conversation:

“Mom?”
“Yes, my love?”
“How come I’m the only one in the house without glasses?”
“Be glad you can see well without them. They’re a pain.”
“But I waaaaant glasses!”
“Be careful what you wish for, Buddy.”
“Aw, c’mon, mom, I want glasses, too-oo-oo!”

S seeing himself with glasses for the first time

S seeing himself with glasses for the first time

So, in October we had his annual physical and he professed to not be able to see past the third line. The nurse and I found this very odd, since the year prior, when asked to read down the chart as far as he could, he continued past where the nurse and I no longer could see even with our glasses, and read the copyright line, too. That’s the kind of thing that happens with Asperger’s Syndrome. Aspies are likely to take you very literally. So when the nurse said read as far as you can down to the bottom, well, he did, down to the last character. He read the whole darn poster, not just the chart. That was the itty-bittiest print. I couldn’t read it even when I walked right up to it. But that may be an over-forty story for another day.

Anyway, after what I went through with his older brother at the same age, because he couldn’t see the big E on the chart (yet another story for another day, or week, if you have time for the unabridged version), I said, time to go to the eye doctor. I can’t take S to any old eye doctor, I have to get the referral for a specialist who is accustomed to dealing with the autism spectrum. Luckily, this was one of his brother’s regular specialists, so they had met before when S had been dragged along to K’s appointments. It’s a big help to have had prior experience with each other. So, a few months down the line we had his appointment with Dr. L last week.

How's this?

How's this?

I warned Dr. L that everything S says may not be exactly the 100% truth. That was as much for S as it was for Dr. L. I have to put things in terms of 100% truth for S so that I don’t get school stories of Godzilla or zombie invasions when I ask how his day was. And sure enough, S’s interpretations of the letter lines were interesting, to say the least. Very creative: Big H P became C uh, uh, uh, Z. T V P E Z became 4 3 2 Q uh, uh O. Numbers continued to be thrown in even after Dr. L repeatedly assured my son that only letters were in the charts. Both the ophthalmologist and I found his responses very entertaining, but didn’t let on. In the end, after eye measurements, etc, he is a little nearsighted. It’s pretty common at age ten for kids to suddenly need glasses, especially if a parent has them.

So we headed over to the glasses store the next day, when his eyes were no longer dilated, which with any kid is another form of parental entertainment that is amped up with S. One pair of horn rims he kept returning to gave him a bit of a James Dean look. I liked those the best. Then he found the metal frame wall, like his brother has, and that was it. We selected a slightly more rounded frame from K’s, but they are the same color blue and are very close. Even though older brother mental torture, and otherwise, goes on in our family, S still worships him and wants to be just like him.

Thinking about it

Thinking about it

Later the same evening, he announced that he faked it. He was just pretending and making up answers to the chart. He looked afraid that he’d be wearing glasses that screwed up his eyes because of his embellishments on the eye test. I said, “That’s okay, S. Dr. L and I knew you were making up some of it. That’s why he dilated your eyes, and took measurements with that big mask looking machine.”

The look of shock at being found out was enough to make the most hardened criminal laugh, but in my experience with him, it’s very important not to. No matter how cute he is. Suddenly, after years of the opposite when he didn’t need them, he announced, “But I don’t waaaaant glasses!”

I know this one is going into my writer vault to be used someday.

Kate: First words

A number of times a day I have a thought followed by, oh, this will make a good blog post. I walk through the day writing paragraphs in my head. Some of these paragraphs are very good. Some are not. Regardless, by the time I get the kids to bed (especially when D is gone, which he was last week), I am too tired to type, and I’ve forgotten those smart paragraphs I had labored over earlier in the day. (Yes, I know I should carry a small notebook in my back pocket or invest in one of those itsy bitsy tape recorders, but I don’t.)

The result is that you have no idea what a serious blogger I am. You have no idea how often I “post.” I know that doesn’t count; I’m just groveling for a little affirmation here.

This morning I’m at the coffee shop for the first time in almost two weeks, and I feel rusty. I have a list of things I need to work on: 1. revise book, 2. finish an essay I promised an editor months ago, 3. organize teaching stuff in our radon-filled office basement, 4. prepare for AWP. (I could go on, but I don’t want to stress myself out.)

My goal with the book is to re-type the whole thing into the computer. That’s crazy, isn’t it? Crazy. It’s 97,000 words. But I haven’t looked at it, much less read it, in almost two years, and it’s time to “make it the best book it can be.” I certainly have emotional distance at this point, so I can be brutal with my prose and my scenes. And I will be brutal; I’m actually looking forward to it. But it’s difficult to begin this process because I dislike the first paragraphs of the book. I’ve always disliked them. There, I said it. Time and again, I’ve gotten hung up on these paragraphs. I’ve been obsessive about this word or that word, changing “lie” to “lying” to “lie” to “lying” a dozen times. And I know that this sort of piddling always speaks to a larger problem, a problem that screams: “These paragraphs suck!”

I know what I would tell a student if she came to me with this problem. I would say, “Skip the first paragraphs. Sometimes those are the last to be written. Come back to them.”

I’m absolutely confident that I know what I’m talking about when I doll out this kind advice. I smile and nod encouragingly. I ask my student, “Who says you have to write a book from beginning to end?”

So, I am staring at myself now and nodding encouragingly. (I look slightly foolish, as you can imagine.) But I’m ready to take my advice. I’ll come back to these paragraphs, and soon I’ll discover whether: a) I’m full of shit or b) I really know what I’m talking about. I do hope it’s the latter.

Breakfast with Suzanne

There are many fabulous, creative women in my local community. One of them is Suzanne Révy, an inspiring photographer, blogger, and mother. Those of you who live in Massachusetts or southern New Hampshire can see Suzanne’s work in person at her solo show at the Griffin Museum of Photography‘s Atelier Gallery, located at the Stoneham Theater from February 2 through March 21, 2009; reception on February 26 at 6 p.m. For now, enjoy this latest edition of Breakfast — a feast for the eyes and a good dose of inspiration along with your morning cuppa.

56slefportrait-copycropCC: Please give us an intro to who you are, what you do, and your family headcount.
SR:
I am a 47-year-old wife and mother. I have two boys, ages 9 and 7. College days were spent at Pratt Institute, a Brooklyn, NY, art school, majoring in photography. In my professional life, in the days before kids, I was a photography editor at U.S. News & World Report magazine, and did a short stint as acting picture editor at Yankee magazine after moving to Massachusetts. Since having the children, I left the world of magazines, and returned to my artistic roots of college, and took up the camera again.

CC: Tell us about your photography. Given that you shoot with film and print your own photos yourself, how do you feel about digital photography?
SR: There are two aspects to my work. I make commissioned portraits for clients. I prefer to make portraits in natural light, dockand allow my sitters the freedom to be themselves in front of the camera. The second part of the work is a personal portfolio of images exploring childhood, and childhood play. When my kids were quite young, as I watched them play, I would notice light dancing through their hair…I would watch their hands, feet and toes. Soon I was compelled to make pictures that looked ever closer at the worlds they create.

As for digital photography, I have no problem with it, but I choose to use traditional media, because it suits my vision. And I dislike the obsolescence factor built into so many of our digital gadgets.

CC: What prompted you to start a blog? What keeps you going?
SR:
I found that I enjoyed reading blogs written by other photographers, and decided to give it a go about two years ago. I have found the discipline of keeping a blog instructive, and helpful when I want to clarify any thoughts or problems I have had in my work. And, I have to keep my five or six readers satisfied. So, I keep at it!! lol

swingnshoes-copyCC: Where do you do your creative work?
SR:
I have a darkroom in the basement of my home, and I rent some studio space about 15 minutes away. All those prints were taking over the house, and I needed a bit more space!! Oh… and if any of your readers are interested in building a basement darkroom…bear in mind that your sink CANNOT be too big!!!

CC: Do you have a schedule for your creative work?
SR:
When the kids are in school, I get into the darkroom at least twice a week. During the summer months it gets a little harder, but when I can’t get into the darkroom, I expose a lot of film. Every day.

I find that I have an annual cycle, where I shoot a lot of film during the summer, and processing film is not as time-consuming as printing, so I am able to keep up with processing film when the kids are home.

Then, in the colder months, I make a lot of prints. When I have a printing day planned, I get into the darkroom right after I get the kids onto the bus!

evolutionCC: How has motherhood changed you creatively?
SR:
As a college student at a New York City art school, I was deeply immersed in learning the creative process. I had a classic art education from foundation year through my senior show. It was an extraordinary opportunity to thoroughly engage in an artistic process. After art school, I was faced with that pesky business of making a living, and eventually landed into the world of editorial and magazine photography as an editor. For a long time this satisfied me creatively, and had the benefit of paying the bills, but my own artistry became dormant.

After marrying, and having kids, I was able to stay home with them, and found myself, as any new mother would, making pictures of my children. I found taking film to a local mini-lab frustrating, and started to think again about working in the darkroom. I was motivated to make beautiful prints of my children to hang on the wall. My artistic impulses that had lain dormant for almost two decades were resurrected when I built the darkroom. I did not realize when I had children, just how much I had missed making art for myself. And being immersed in motherhood made the connection for me.

foolsgoldCC: How do you feel about photographing your own children? How do your kids feel about being your subject matter? Do you obsess about capturing every moment that catches your eye?
SR:
I love photographing children. In fact, I love photographing people. I can make an emotional connection to them that is quite unique and apart from the connection I might make with someone in a different context. Looking at their faces and eyes through a ground glass of a camera offers me a unique view into them. It feels like falling in love.

Sometimes, my kids complain about my photographing them, but I think deep down, they find it special. They certainly like it when I make prints of them. As for capturing every moment…oddly enough, I’ve captured enough moments that I don’t need every one. And if we are doing something that I am actively participating in with them, a special day for example, then I don’t make pictures. Or even when they have a concert or play they are performing in. I don’t want to turn those moments into art-making opportunities for me. I want to enjoy them without the distraction of my own work.

And my photographs are about the every day, not really the special days. And there are lots of moments every day to capture. If I miss one or two…well, that’s ok. I will remember them in a different way.

That said, my older son, when he was four, had a bad fall in which he broke his arm and had a large bruise on his face. Fortunately, neither the broken arm, nor the contusion on his face was serious. In the days following, as he recovered, I never made a picture of that bruise. I hadn’t quite immersed myself in photography just yet…and I’ve always regretted not having a record of that injury. I don’t want him to hurt himself again, but if he does…I will remember to record it. Such injuries are an integral part of growing up.

steadyCC: What do you struggle with most?
SR:
Clutter.

CC: Where do you find inspiration?
SR:
I’m inspired by photographers who make good photographs no matter where they are. I am especially interested in photographers who have photographed one subject in depth…Emmet Gowin, Ralph Eugene Meatyard, Larry Towell, and Andrea Modica.

In addition to photography, there are amazing things to be found in the history of art, and I never miss an opportunity to go to museums. I’m drawn to the paintings of Caravaggio, Vermeer, Singer-Sargeant, Homer, Edward Hopper, and several abstract expressionists: Willem de Kooning and Mark Rothko. Oh…and I love the paintings and sketches of Jean Francois Millet.

CC: What are your top 5 favorite blogs?
SR:
I have a pretty big blogroll on my blog and in my reader. I have made connections to a lot of photographers through blogs, but if I have to pick 5:

I’m active on a couple of forums as well — the Analog Photography Users Group and Filmwasters. There are a few online photography magazines that I follow, Fraction Magazine, Flak Photo, and Lens Culture.

toad3-copyCC: What is your greatest indulgence?
SR:
Buying photographic monographs, and if anyone’s interested in helping me out with that, I have a convenient Amazon.com wish list!! lol

CC: What are you reading right now?
SR:
I just finished The Gift by Lewis Hyde. This book is a must read for every artist engaged in an endeavor that has seemingly no commercial value, because it has extraordinary value to a healthy society. It was one of the most important books I’ve read. Since I haven’t kept this answer short, I might as well add Michael Kimmelman’s The Accidental Masterpiece. An excellent book I read about a year ago.

CC: What advice would you offer to other mothers struggling to find the time and means to be more creative?
SR:
Make art before you clean the house.

CC: Thank you, Suzanne!

Debra: Open here

French packages never have helpful instructions on them, like “open here.” I might be reading too much into this, but I just spent several minutes trying to decide where a package of frozen string beans should be opened in order to be able to close it afterwards, and I found myself reminiscing about the good old days, when I lived in the U.S. and I could count on my packaged food having a nice little dotted line and a picture of scissors. I don’t know whether the French people think it’s obvious, or whether they think that deciding where to cut open your bag of string beans is a question of free will. Me, well, sometimes I just want to be told what to do.

Sometimes I wonder how much creative energy goes into simply surviving life in a foreign country. I always thought I would live in a foreign country, and France is not exactly exotic. After all, we share the same cultural heritage, at least to some extent. Yet I am constantly surprised by little things I didn’t know — anyone who has lived in a foreign language knows the strange experience of learning a new word and wondering how it was you survived that long without knowing it. I had lived in France for over a year before I knew the word for “kitchen sink.” It had just never come up.

I realized recently that I have been in denial about the challenges of life in France for a long time — I read dozens of other people’s memoirs about life in France somewhat dismissively. I thought people were too obsessive about little things, like the French fixation on preserving their language or their bureaucratic ways. But hey, I’ve discovered surprising things in France too (for one thing, I’d never seen frozen string beans before). And adapting to surprises requires a lot of creativity. It’s a lot like raising a child, really — it’s an endless process, and you can never be an expert at it. You just have to keep learning, keep adapting, and keep wondering if you’re doing the right thing. And sometimes I can’t help but wonder just how much of my creative energy is being used up figuring out things like how to open packages, whether I need to weigh my vegetables before I get to the checkout line, or what waiting lists I need to be on for daycare.

The beauty of it, of course, is that in the end it doesn’t matter where you cut open the package. However you do it, you’ll still get the string beans, and maybe that’s all that matters.

1/14 Weekly creativity contest winner & new prompt

Whether you live in a northern or southern climate, you have to admire snow, what with all that “no two snowflakes are ever the same” stuff. Quite a variety of entries for this week’s creativity contest, too! Our winner is Bec Thomas, for a brilliant photograph. Bec writes: “This is a picture taken at Camano Island State Park during a freak snow storm. The ducks were very cooperative about flying at the right time.” Wow, Bec. Your $10 amazon.com gift certificate has been issued.

 

south-beach

 

From Karen Winters, a painting. Love the red! Karen writes: “We don’t have a lot of snow in Southern California, so I had to draw upon other inspiring places. This was my Christmas card for December 07.”

winter-peace-2007

 

From Kelly Warren, a photo (just try not to smile): “Well, I wanted to write something fun and witty to go along with this, but time just got away from me, so I’ll just share the pic. Here’s a Florida ‘snow bunny’ for you.”

tubface-livvie

 

From Cathy Coley, a poem. Cathy writes: “lotsa of thoughts: blizzard of 78, digging tunnels through my parents’ front yard; oct 4, 86? snow dump in the berkshires that shut down campus for days; april fool’s day storm of ’97, throwing k in snow toddler-shaped ‘wiley e coyote’ prints, 3ft deep; sprinkles on eyelashes, shoveling out cars, snowball fights, skiing, you name it. in the end:”

Snow
crystal heaven falling
every birthday, just for me —
silent conversation with god

 

From Juliet Bell, a series of fascinating images: “These are not exactly snow, but I thought I’d send some samples from photos I took last year of frost on my kitchen windows. I tried to design repeating fabric designs from them with little success. I guess you just can’t improve on such beauty.”

frost-design-2

frost-design-6

frost-design-3

 

From Brittany Vandeputte, a set of photos with a poem, described by Brittany as: “This is a silly poem I wrote about Sam’s first 10 minutes in a Syracuse snow shower.”

I do not like the snow he sneezed
And I wonʼt walk the stand of trees
In snowdrifts up above my knees
Iʼd rather sit here where Iʼll freeze
Than play outside today.

brittany_snow1

 

From Marsanne Petty, another double entry! Hey, Marsanne, don’t make the rest of us look like slackers, OK? 😉

snow-in-florida-pettya) When It Snowed In Florida

I’ve lived in Florida my entire life – all thirty years. We’ve visited other states from time to time, and found ourselves with near misses of views of snow. It melted the day before we arrived, or fell the day after we left. But never any exciting views of snowdrifts as high as our heads, or windows being blocked by snow piled high in front of them. No shoveling sidewalks or watching the machines ice the roads so traffic could proceed. Nope, none of that in Florida.

Instead, we have rain. When it’s cold and it rains, we have sleet. When it’s freezing (it really does) and it rains, we have hail. Except one year….

It started on a winter night in 1989, while we were in Valdosta, Georgia, a mere thirty minutes from our house in Jennings, Florida. We often shopped in Valdosta, and this was one of those evenings. My dad, my sister, and I were sitting in the car, waiting on my mother to come out of the store. As we waited, it began to rain. Gradually it turned to sleet. Restless as children are often prone to be, my sister and I begged our father to let us out of the car. After a while, I suppose he got tired of hearing us whine, and relented. We played in the parking lot for a while, and dad sat in the car. Suddenly, he rolled the window down and started pointing. Without us even realizing it, the bits of sleet had turned into tiny, icy snowflakes. Certainly not the fat, fluffy ones like you see in the movies, but snowflakes, nonetheless. We tried to catch them and they melted the moment we touched them, so great was the difference between our body temperature and the iciness of the snowflakes.

Finally, mom came out of the store. We all piled back into the car and, on the trip home, watched with growing excitement as the snowflakes continued to fall. Weather reports predicted the snow would fall intermittently throughout the night, and temperatures would remain below freezing throughout the next day. When we got home, there was a slight dusting of snow on the ground. Dad went and turned the sprinkler on and set it to run over the swing set, so we would have our own personal winter wonderland. We were rushed into the house by Mom, who watched us gaze in wonder as each of our footsteps dissolved the snow beneath our feet.

The next morning was lovely. A mere four inches of snow might not seem like much in most places, but in Florida, it is enough to constitute a thing of beauty. We awoke to a literal snowfall. Of course, everyone was excited. We decided to make an adventure of what could possibly be a once in a lifetime opportunity.

My dad had a huge four wheel drive truck – a 1986 Dodge Ram. The most fabulous blue color one had ever seen. He bought it brand new at the Dodge dealership in Valdosta, and was always happy to display the prowess of his truck. We often took it mud bogging in the nearby swampy areas year round, and in the summer, when the Alapaha River went dry, we took it riding in the slippery river sand.

As we drove from our house to my grandmother’s house, there were cars stuck on the roads and in the ditches. The ice on the roads was simply too much for them – it was too slick, and the Florida drivers had no idea how to handle it. Dad pulled them out, using his four wheel drive.

My uncle had the great idea that we could ski on the roads, since they were covered in ice. Of course, no one had any skis, but with warm water practically year round, we had plenty of equipment for water sports. The two items chosen were a large yellow inner tube and a hydro-slide – a board similar to a surfboard, but instead of depending on the waves to move you, the rider sits on the board and holds a handle attached to a rope, and is pulled by a boat in the water. My father pulled each of us down the highway on the inner tube and the hydro-slide, treating the icy roads much like the warm rivers we were used to.

My aunt, shown here, was a major sun worshipper back then. She loved the beach, craved any amount of time she could spend at the beach, the river, a lake, any piece of sun that she could subject her body to. Her desperation was evident in the playful way she posed that beautiful white day. She wore a tank top and a towel, lying on the hood of her snow covered Camaro, with the words “Beach or Bust” written on the windshield.

Several of us kids walked down the dirt road to a nearby creek. It was iced over, but still flowing beneath the thin layer of ice. Being a rural area of the state, the creek ran under a wooden bridge with a small guard rail which consisted of a 1×6 board placed on blocks. We built our first snowman with snow gathered from the bridge and the guardrail. He ended up being about six inches high and rather sloppily made, because there wasn’t much snow and it didn’t want to stick together very well. Unfortunately, that was also the last snowman that I’ve ever built up to this point.

Although on occasion, there have been reports of snow flurries throughout the years, none of them have touched our area the way the snow did in 1989. None have transformed the sunshine state into an honest to goodness winter wonderland. Living in Florida certainly has its benefits – large amounts of warmth being one of them – but it also has its moments of magic, of memories that can never be recreated, simply because of the location. It’s doubtful that I will ever have another delightful winter day like that one, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t wish for it now and again.

—————————————-

b) “Both my husband and I have lived in Florida our entire lives. He went to work out in New Mexico this year and he said it was a lot colder there than it was here in Florida. It snowed on him (not his first time seeing it) but he built this snowman and sent the picture to me, so that I could see what a “real” snowman looked like. The resolution isn’t fantastic because it was from his camera phone, but I still enjoyed the picture.”

snowman-in-mexico


From me (Miranda), a poem composed while waiting for my daughter at the dentist’s office — my two little ones amused themselves for the most part and I was actually able to draft most of this, a meditation on sleep deprivation.

~~~
The fatigue is a snow sky
wrapping me in grainy film
a whiteness that shares no secrets.
Snowflakes pepper my skin
my sense of self
with pinprick holes through which
my breath escapes, leaving me sightless
heavy and numb

 

This week’s prompt: “Wool”
Use the prompt however you like — literally, or a tangential theme. All media are welcome. Please e-mail your entries to creativereality@live.com by 10:00 p.m. eastern time (GMT -5) on Tuesday, January 20, 2009. The winning entry receives a $10 gift certificate to amazon.com. Writers should include their submission directly in the body text of their e-mail. Visual artists and photographers should attach an image of their work as a jpeg. Enter as often as you like; multiple submissions for a single prompt are welcome. There is no limit to how many times you can win the weekly contest, either. (You do not have to be a contributor to this blog in order to enter. All are invited to participate.) All submissions are acknowledged when received; if you do not receive e-mail confirmation of receipt within 24 hours, please post a comment here. Remember, the point here is to stimulate your output, not to create a masterpiece. Keep the bar low and see what happens. Dusting off work you created previously is OK too. For more info, read the original contest blog post.

Cathy: Getting back to business

After the long holiday hiatus I took from my manuscript, I opened the document the other day and worked really hard to pick up where I left off. It wasn’t easy. I did realize during the time I was away from it, that a character name I had was a little close to a character name in a book series I admire which handles the same theme. In fact, in re-reading one of the books during my hiatus, I had the not so fleeting thought that maybe my book was a little close to that one. Maybe a little too close.

Though I had not read it in about five years, it occurred to me that this was the book that inspired me to say I could manage to write a book for this age group and this length. It was doable. After all, I’m no JK Rowling with a story arch to cover seven rather lengthy books. I could write a hundred or so pager first time out. My Great American Novel could be shelved a bit longer than it already had been. Four years ago, that one was already shelved for about seven. By the time this blog community gave me the courage to say I could return to working on this four-year-old project, I had forgotten where my inspiration came from, but apparently not the story and theme.

I can fix it, it’s not that close, and there is a bevy of bully theme books for elementary readership. However when I was reading the inspiration book and even a character name was in kind, oops! She’s a secondary character, but still. That was it. Time to figure it out. But before I do that, I really need to finish out my plot.

So back to where I left off about six weeks ago: I feel like the Tin Man. Can’t quite get those legs moving by myself. I went back a few chapters to read up to date in the plot, but I’m still writing like I’m stalling — a paragraph here, a sentence change over there, a grammar correction or three. I lost my prior groove. Any ideas on how to get it back? It may help if I can squeeze in a yoga session before I write during Baby C’s morning nap, to clear my head, but that sends likely wake up time right into when I’m likely to recover a groove. Ugh. I can hear the resistance thoughts gathering momentum.

Brittany: I Like the Me that Doesn’t Write

I like the me that doesn’t write, that isn’t annoyed with toddler tears and poopy diapers. Whose mornings are filled with muffins and snuggles instead of character development on page 275. I like evenings of leisurely splashy toddler bathtime and seven or eight stories before bed. I don’t miss the nights where I wish the boys would sleep already so I could perfect the dialogue in chapter 4.

I am enjoying *not* writing. But I feel a compulsion to do it anyway.

I’ll admit, I struggle with balance. I’m the kind of writer who putters a little here and a little there for months, followed by a gigantic burst of writing over the course of a day or two, where I forget where I am, forget to eat, forget I’m on planet Earth and have two small children in need of dinner. And after three years of feverish writing, it’s nice to be in my own head again  without the characters I created crowding me out, interrupting playtime and Thomas videos with their insistence on some plot resolution.

Monday, while pumping gas, I heard a train whistle off in the distance and knew it was headed our way. Sam wants nothing more in life than to look at trains, and in downtown Simpsonville, it is possible to drive alongside the track, along a side road, a few feet from the train itself. Because I wasn’t writing, and had the whole day in front of me, I wasn’t in a rush to get home, feed Sam lunch, and put him down for his nap. Instead of heading home, I drove down Main Street, pulled up at an intersection, watched the train go by, and then followed the train all the way down the side road until it ended. Sam was totally blissed out, and I knew the way you just know these things, that this was a moment where I was filling Sam’s emotional well.

Then yesterday, after my chiropractor appointment, I decided to take John to the library for Mother Goose on the Loose. It’s a program from children up to age two with music and books, rhymes and rhythm. I took Sam for almost two years, every week, unfailingly. He was not a huge fan of the crowd of people and nervously clung to me for almost every session. He did not like to participate. And he didn’t interact with the other children much. But he loved to come home and do the activities one-on-one with me, so I would go to learn the activities and somehow Sam endured it. During Mother Goose time, the leader, Donna, takes out  a drum and sings, “My name is Donna. What’s your name?” On “Donna,” she hits the drum twice, one for each syllable. The point of the activity is to create phonemic awareness, but most kids just like to take their turn with the drum. Not Sam. In two years–two years of gentle encouragement and mommy assistance–he hit the drum exactly once. The last day we ever went to Mother Goose on the Loose. The day he spent most of the time crawling under the chairs and trying to run outside the room and activate the automatic library doors. At drum time, he joined the group briefly, long enough to smack out his one-syllable name.

John, as much a I try not to make comparisons, is a completely different child temperament-wise. He is a social butterfly and loves to watch the world, the more stimuli the better. And since most of my free time of late was spent writing, and my one-on-one time was usually reserved for his needier older brother, I felt a little mommy guilt that I wasn’t doing anything yet just for him.

You can probably see where I’m about to go with this story. John loved Mother Goose on the Loose. He was attentive and happy and played with the other children, was deliriously happy, and hit the drum–on the first try. Again, I felt an enormous sense of pleasure at being able to tap into what my child needed and give it to him.

Now to diverge for a moment…I have taken the Myers-Briggs personality test quite possibly a hundred times, through all stages of my life, from high school on. No matter when I’ve taken it, I’ve been an I/E NTJ. You know how you hear something about yourself and shrug and say, “If you say so…” That’s where I was at.

Lately, I’ve been having a mini-crisis of self. For more of the gory details, you can read my personal blog. But the amazing thing about it is that as soon as I said I was looking for more joy in my life, a better sense of self, and more satisfaction with my life, the universe has literally flooded me with it.

I was on Facebook last night after the kids were in bed, and spur of the moment decided to take the Myers-Briggs again. Now I am an ISFJ. Somewhere down the line, my personality changed. That, or I’ve become more honest with myself over time. The ISFJ  is described as The Nurturer:  quiet, kind, and conscientious. Can be depended on to follow through. Usually puts the needs of others above their own needs. Stable and practical, they value security and traditions. Well-developed sense of space and function. Rich inner world of observations about people. Extremely perceptive of other’s feelings.

That sounds about right.

So in other words, focusing on my book has prevented me from nurturing anything but my laptop. Since I haven’t been writing, I’ve been happier this week than I’ve been in a long time. I’m no longer focused on myself and my projects. Instead, I’m opening up new worlds for my boys. Truly that’s where I’m happiest.

I loved the movie Finding Neverland and the way the filmmakers showed Barrie stepping into and out of his imagination and using his real-life experiences within his creative writing. It was a realization that writers/artists do hop back and forth between worlds. And just like Barrie, I think my adventures with my boys will inspire my writing, too. Isn’t it a wonderful thing when one world sustains the other?

Open House

A selection of interesting tidbits from the personal blogs of Creative Construction community members:

  1. Kerry Bennett contemplated homeschooling a 15-year-old and moving to Maine.
  2. Jen Johnson closed up shop.
  3. Kathryn Virello expanded on dreams, wishes, hopes, and aspirations.
  4. Brittany Vandeputte dug deep on food, passion, and happiness.
  5. Liz Hum made some goals for 2009, and put them right in her calendar.
  6. Susanne Fritzsche took a personality quiz that proved her uniqueness.
  7. Elizabeth Beck took stock of 2008 and adopted a fun way to track her creativity in 2009.

Enjoy, and have a lovely weekend. Take a little time for yourself creatively, even if you can only steal ten minutes. You’ll be happier for it.

And while you’re being creative, can someone please help me test my latest theory? To those who recently (or not so recently) resolved to lose weight and/or get in shape: I suspect that the best diet includes personal creative time. I seem to have observed that having time to express myself creatively is the best appetite suppressant out there. Avoiding sugar and simple carbs is key for me, but lately I wonder if creativity is actually a better diet “pill” or strategy than anything else I’ve tried. Your thoughts?

Kelly: Finding Time for Balance

cps1So I’ve been thinking more about this whole New Year’s Resolution thing, and I’ve come down to one thing: balance. That’s my word for the year. I must find balance. I must find a way to balance time with my family, with time to expand my creative endeavors, with time to work, with time to exercise, with time to eat right, with time to somewhere in there find and keep my sanity (and as DH just reminded me, time to finish repainting every room in the house). Though if we won the lottery, I could get rid of the “time to work” need and then have more time for the others! There’s a thought, however fleeting, since I rarely have time to even remember to buy a lottery ticket.

This picture truly nails my issue when it comes to the creative endeavors part of the challenge. My two favorite art magazines are Cloth Paper Scissors and Somerset Studio. When I first stumbled across Cloth Paper Scissors, I loved it so much I had to go online and order all the back issues. I’ve been methodically reading through them at night before I go to bed (unless I’m too absorbed in whatever book I happen to be reading…which is another thing I must squeeze in time for). See all those little sticky notes peeking out of all these Cloth Paper Scissors issues? Well those are all the projects I’d like to play around with. And this is just in CPS. I have a similar stack for Somerset Studio. I haven’t really shared much of my mixed-media playing around on my blog but I’ll start doing that more this year, too. Sharing. And while I’m at it, I’ll also be sharing more photographs as I already mentioned here. My blogging friend Karen Faulkner suggested a great resolution would be to capture at least one beautiful photo a day. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find time for that? And that involves remembering to find the time to always keep a camera with me, perhaps attached to my hip, with a hot pink cord for a dash of color.

So there you have it. In a recent comment on Cathy’s Promises, Promises post, Kathryn said she calls them “Dreams, Hopes, Wishes, and Aspirations.” I like that much better than resolution, don’t you? So my official Dream, Hope, Wish and Aspiration for 2009 is to find balance (and find time to call my sister once a week). Care to join me?

Cathy: Double Whammy

Original art by SBM

Original art by SBM

Everyone is thinking resolutions, new beginnings, new projects, etc at this time of year. On news programs and morning shows, they obsess about it for weeks leading to and long after the big ball drop in Times Square. Everywhere you turn, a neighbor, the grocery clerk, your mechanic, discusses options and fall offs for this and all prior New Year’s. I have the extra special honor of having my birthday in the same week, so I get a double whammy.

I’m putting all this resolution stuff to bed. This weekend I heard an interesting take on viewing birthdays as a new beginning and a turning point for putting hope into action, optimism into more than just dreams. Rather than just the pointing out: yes I survived another one. Oh boy, yep! I reached 43 big ones! With a new baby here, still can’t believe how I pulled that one off, but I have another still gestating — my manuscript.

I admit, in this past crazy holiday time, including up to two weeks prior, with all in the house sick in various states, myself included, I mostly mulled the manuscript in the back – or fore — of my mind. Not much writing got done while coughing, snuffling, caring for coughing and snuffling, prepping for all three holidays, guests, travelling, and so on. Nevermind the two solid weeks of Winter Break! In my own schooling or in my years working in public schools have I ever had a two solid weeks’ worth of vacation. Finally I’m beginning to feel like life might settle back down.

Honey baked the cake. Yum!

Honey baked the cake. Yum!

And then rolls up my birthday, like a big old tail finned red Cadillac. That’s right, my birthday is an American model. I don’t think we have many of my particular vintage Japanese models floating around here. I’m certainly not a compact model anymore, either, though I was often noted for being so until recently.

Anyway, I felt really creaky and crummy yesterday, and my dear dh who is a bit of a grumbler himself, managed to take something I said personally, though that wasn’t where I was going. We have this particular communication defect pretty often, it goes both ways. Well, this time, as crummy as I felt, I said, after I wrote an inflammatory note, blew up, cried, and bemoaned, that I do not want to live this way anymore. I will not try to be the solitary cheerleader in the family of grumblers. I will do my best not to grumble myself. And if anyone around here grumbles, I’m throwing a sock at their head.

My main really good Life Philosophy is that while it may be hard, it may be challenging, at some times more so than others, the bottom line on Life is that it is Good. Life is an Adventure. Life is Beautiful, Everywhere, All Around Us, Everyday. This year in particular, after a couple of rough crabby ones, with some pretty incredible joys, I am going to return to living mine as such — especially in writing. But I’m also going to buy that camping equipment before summer, and get these kids out into the world and Mother Nature. Get out and stare up at the stars while the campfire burns, smoke and pollen in our eyes, up our noses, and bugs, too.

Isn’t that, right there, whether you’re a writer, artist, or accountant, what life is all about? No computers, no TV, no handheld video games. It’s you, your family, the night and stars, and by day fishing, even if you catch a dagblasted empty hook, or just walking along a beachy, or woodsy trail. Then I’m going off-path. Not that I was ever one much for staying on it. Especially looking back at all the above mixed metaphors and winding tangents just since the first paragraph here.

1/07 Weekly creativity contest winner & new prompt

Quite a constellation of terrific entries for this week’s creativity contest prompt: “stars.” Our winner is Debra Bellon, for this beautiful poem:

You might have been born in Byzantium
child of mine, my dark-eyed child
and not in some grey suburban room
with the blinds half closed,
the 6:03 commuters sweeping past,
as though somehow unaware
of this, our sacred moment.
You might have known empires, palaces, elephants, kings;
built temples on secret mountains, followed
the summer moon through all the winding
shadows of the unmapped earth.
Or is it only another mother thinking, in disbelief,
that somehow, years ago, you were not so much as an idea
you of the endless sea
you of the bright star

 

From Jennie Johnston, a gorgeous quilt entitled “Blanket of Stars.” Jennie writes: “I pulled up these photos of a piece I did in 2005. This was a gift for a friend’s baby girl. To this day it is the first image that comes to my mind when I think of stars. The idea of being wrapped in stars stuck with me for a long time and there is nothing nicer to be wrapped in than a blanket. It was one of my first medium scale quilting projects. The stars were appliqued in many different ways. I hoped that it would be colourful and fun enough for a kid, while being interesting enough to stay with her as an adult.”

blanket-of-stars-0272
blanket-of-stars-00421

 

From Marsanne Petty, two entries! An image and a short prose piece. Welcome to Creative Construction, Marsanne 🙂

a) Last year my mother and I went to a nearby town that has a huge mansion and they had decorated it for Christmas. In the ballroom, they had made a virtual winter wonderland — filled with snow, several white and silver trees, dozens of small white birds, and an actual snow queen. I really loved it, but of course, I don’t have a ballroom, so I made do with my dining room. I purchased a white tree and decorated it with all ornaments of silver, white, and glass. It turned out really lovely, in my opinion. I had some fake snow around the tree and oodles of snowflakes. This star was one of the decorations on that tree. I bought it from a store over in Jacksonville that was going out of business and they had tons of ornaments on sale. So, this is the first year my little silver star has been used, but I think that it has enjoyed the season.

img_2154

b) The Stars

“The stars,” she thought. “If only I could reach the stars.” Her heart pounded as she lay in the bed near the window, the curtain blowing in the warm summer breeze.

Her head hurt and she only wanted to escape the pain. Throughout the years, she had made every effort she could, she had tried to make him happy, tried to make sure that anything she said wouldn’t set him off again. Of course, it never worked.

Neither did the halfhearted disguises she tried to implement to hide his hatefulness, his disdain for her. The long dark hair that she let drape casually over the sides of her face, covering her cheeks and the inevitable bruises left by his individual fingers. The long sleeved shirts every day of the year, to cover the marks on her upper arms where he grabbed her to slam her against the wall. The jeans to cover her legs where he kicked her when she was down. Everyone knew it was a futile attempt to hide insanity – his for treating her the way he did; hers for taking it for so long.

She no longer knew what to do, only knew that it had to come to an end. The catalyst had come –- a trip to the emergency room that couldn’t be avoided –- a shattered wrist. Of course, they all had questions and she answered them the best she could, all the while protecting him. Three days they kept her –- two surgeries on her wrist. A hope that she would one day regain full usage of it, but no promises from the doctors. No one could promise her anything.

They sent her home with a prescription for painkillers and something to help her sleep. Her wrist would be in the cast for four months. He was scared to come visit her, scared to come pick her up; afraid that the police would be waiting for him. Her friend that lived in the apartment above her drove her to the pharmacy and then to the apartment building. Her friend helped her up the stairs and left her, telling her if she needed anything, to please call.

A sixty-day supply of Oxycontin and Ambien. She looked them up online before he came home. Both addictive, both potentially toxic. A story about a two-year-old girl who accidentally took one of her grandfather’s Oxycontin pills. Luckily, her mother found her before she slipped into a coma and never woke up.

He didn’t believe that she had protected him; didn’t believe that no one would come looking for him. He took his anger and disbelief out on her. After seemingly endless hours, he finished his rage and left to go drinking. She crawled to the bed with her medicines and a bottle of water.

“The stars,” she thought over and over. “Safety in the stars. A savior in the stars.” The warm summer breeze bathed her body in comfort. “If only I could reach the stars, there would be no more pain.” Her thoughts fell further and further apart, her breathing shallower. Her last thought was of the stars and the safety they could provide from the evil that her life had become.

When he opened the door, the curtains fluttered in the breeze, the wind blowing her dark hair across her face: an angel bathed in sunlight.

 

From Cathy Coley, a poem:

Greenhouse Effect Northeast US Winters

I sound like an ol’ Downeaster
discussing the weather — ayup,
and walking uphill both ways through the snow.

I remember lakes that froze so fast,
fish suspended mid-swim
in black ice a foot or more deep.
Walk out to mid-lake, and brush away
dust of a deep-cold snow: tiny flakes,
fairy crystals, the scratch waste of skates,
find a clear view of that frog whose legs
couldn’t pump him fast enough to beat the freeze
to the steady forty-five degree mud bed below.

I remember night dark so thorough,
no street or house lamp cleared
a mountain shadow where eons past
glaciers broke loose and cut a path deep,
left a hanzel trail of boulder deposits,
composite unknown to the region, but familiar
a thousand Canadian miles north.
The lakes, the end of glaciers’ exhausted walk,
where they stopped, sat down, stayed and waited for the sun.

I remember clear dark winter nights, windless and bitter cold.
Skating or walking out to the middle of those glacial pools,
in Adirondacks, Berkshires, White or Green Mountains,
and lying down, face up to the stars,
listening to the creak and crack of old
wood ships rocking on the still Atlantic,
but it was that thick black ice I lay on,
bundled close, my nose stinging, only thing exposed.
I remember looking up at those winter stars, only source of light,
The cold pressing on through layer upon layer,
The night clear as stone, black as the ice,
a mere hint of blue from a million distant points of light.
In the bleakest of January,
the night, the ancient brilliant stars.

 

From Cathy Jennings, a digital image in Corel Painter, along with a behind-the-scenes peek at its creation! Cathy writes: “here is my stars entry. there is a little story to this. i was working on this on the couch with my cat oskar. he is the kitty in the piece. he sleeps on my head at night. often i wake up with a paw on my face or patting my hair. this is what goes on when the stars are out.”

dreaming

in the photo of the “helpers,” oskar is the grey one. i needed to get up for a break and when i went back to work on my piece, someone took my spot. the other “helper” is lilly. it takes a lot to get around all the obstacles to making art.

helpers-002

 

From Kelly Warren, a poem:

A Memory

They lay on the dock
under a blanket of wool
with a blanket of stars above.
Holding on to the feeling,
legs and fingers interlaced,
like lilies floating on the water below.
Hearts beating loudly,
breath held anxiously,
in tune with the rhythm of the night.
Pure longing emerging,
Two souls tightly connecting,
A moment witnessed by the heavens alone.
Star-crossed lovers whose time never aligned,
they experienced a love still blessed.
The gift is the memory…
it’s still etched in the sky,
and in my heart, as I hold my breath.

 

From me (Miranda), a digital image:

sunstar

 

This week’s prompt: “Snow”
Use the prompt however you like — literally, or a tangential theme. All media are welcome. Please e-mail your entries to creativereality@live.com by 10:00 p.m. eastern time (GMT -5) on Tuesday, January 13, 2009. The winning entry receives a $10 gift certificate to amazon.com. Writers should include their submission directly in the body text of their e-mail. Visual artists and photographers should attach an image of their work as a jpeg. Enter as often as you like; multiple submissions for a single prompt are welcome. There is no limit to how many times you can win the weekly contest, either. (You do not have to be a contributor to this blog in order to enter. All are invited to participate.) All submissions are acknowledged when received; if you do not receive e-mail confirmation of receipt within 24 hours, please post a comment here. Remember, the point here is to stimulate your output, not to create a masterpiece. Keep the bar low and see what happens. Dusting off work you created previously is OK too. For more info, read the original contest blog post.

Kristine: A Question of Identity

A few months ago, I found an old high school friend online, someone I haven’t seen or talked to since the summer after we graduated. To be honest, I never thought I’d connect with this person again, but the power of the Internet proved me wrong. It was a weird encounter and one that sort of sparked an identity crisis within me.

My friend had endured physical hardships but came through those hardships with amazing strength, accomplishing things that literally took my breath away. When I was asked what I’d done since high school, everything I said paled in comparison.

Not that I haven’t accomplished a lot. I have a college degree. I’ve done well in my field and professional life. I have a great husband and beautiful daughter. I live in a comfortable home. On most days, I’m extremely happy with my life.

So why did I freeze when the subject of my writing came up?

To say that I was “still working” on becoming a novelist after almost 17 years sounded…well, amateurish. When I thought about reconnecting with my high school friends, especially this one in particular, I dreamed about being able to proclaim that I’d achieved my goal and was a published novelist. But I couldn’t say that, and it made me feel like I’d failed in the one thing I was so passionate about all during high school.

Talking to my old friend was motivating in a strange way. The conversation pushed me to work even harder to finish my novel and jumpstart my career. If my friend could overcome enormous odds and accomplish so much, there were no more excuses for me.

Turns out my “kick in the pants” came from a “blast from the past.”