As for the new prompt, i think it’s just fantastic! Great idea with the word ethereal…. it’s already saturday and i haven’t started somethign yet, but i may be able to cobble something together by monday…

I have to say I am having a REALLY hard time with this. I never would have encouraged such an abrupt weaning, but I was facing various antibiotic regimens for Lyme disease. I had been on amoxicillin for two weeks and was still having various symptoms, including neurological issues. I thought I was going to have to start a month of IV antibiotics yesterday, and so dropped the bedtime nursing last week, and then, on Friday, the morning routine as well — Liam actually didn’t ask to nurse on Saturday morning, so we just went with it.

But as it turns out, my doctor wants to hold off on the IV for the moment. Since I told her I’d weaned the baby, she moved me up to oral doxycylcine. I started it yesterday. But my body was clearly just not prepared for this abrupt weaning. My heart wasn’t ready either. I thought it was time — Liam is 14 months old and not a particularly “needy” nurser, although he can be a bit of a piranha, which isn’t so comfortable — and that the external impetus would just move things along more quickly. But now that I CAN’T nurse Liam, on account of the new drugs, I feel horrible. Just awful. Can’t shake it, and I’m a total mess. Either that or I’m having a psychotic reaction to doxycycline!

Hard to breathe, figuratively. I’m creating rush collateral to help one of my clients raise $18 million, and building a website for a high-profile foundation — on top of the “regular” client work. The pressure is intense right now, so I realize I probably have less emotional margin than normal. But I still can’t even explain to myself why this is so difficult, let alone explain it to anyone else. My oldest leaves for college in six weeks, so I’m getting it on both sides. I’m sure that’s part of it. But another part is that I work three 8-hour days every week, and nursing was an easy and convenient way to stay connected with Liam. He’s so little, and I didn’t work this much through any of my other children’s infancies. I just feel totally adrift. Somehow this situation highlights the fact that I am not living in alignment with my priorities. I’m experiencing insane work stress right now, and meanwhile someone else is spending all of those hours with my littlest children. This is a “win”?

We also just learned that one of our immediate family members has breast cancer, and that it has spread to her lymph nodes. We don’t yet have details or a prognosis. This, of course, in addition to creating heartache and worry, throws stark light onto that question of “seeing as everyone’s days are numbered, are you living yours the way you really want to live them?” It’s probably not very nice to think about MYSELF in the context of a loved one’s life-threatening medical crisis, but apparently that doesn’t stop me.

I need to pick up the pieces here and get back in the saddle. I need to be healthy and shake this Lyme thing, which means reducing stress NOW. I need to be in a position where I can care for other people emotionally and physcially, because there are a lot of other people around me with serious needs right now.

As for Liam, and the children…Yes, “someday is today,” and I have to figure out how to change the way I’m living. A little more child-focused motherhood, rather than “default motherhood,” and more time spent in meaningful creativity. Less of all this other BS. Hopefully, going into my practical, problem-solving mode will save me from this very black, very painful place. (Can you say “sublimation”?)

I apologize for the long and overly personal monologue. I just feel like this is the right place for me to “find” my footing again, somehow.

Thank you all for sharing.

She sometimes still asks for it, now, and I tell her there’s no more left – but that we can still cuddle together, and she can rest her head on me. it’s not quite the same, but still very, very nice.

It’s SO hard letting go. That’s one of the most important lessons our children teach us, I guess.

GREAT pictures, everyone!

Everyone else – LOVE the pics!